“So are you.” I slide an arm around his waist, pulling him flush against me as he gasps—arms wrapping around my back as I use my other hand to cradle his cheek.
“I want this to be the best five days of your life. I want you to be happy every second we’re here. And then I want to make you come until you cry every single night.” Benjamin stares at me for a moment and every second that passes his eyes dilate more.
“Just at night?” I grin, removing my hand from his cheek to grab his dick instead. “Hnghh.” He leans forward into me.
“Never just at night. Any feasible moment we have—I want you coming on me.”
“Then…” He’s trying to speak around each stroke of my hand—shivering in my arms as he grips me. “Then I think this will be the best five days of my life.”
???
Snorkeling is amazing. After donning our fins, goggles, and snorkels, we follow the guide to the clear waters where marine life is the busiest. We swim laps around each other, taking in the beautiful fish and tropical plant life. It’s peaceful, it’s calming. I watch Benjamin—his hair floating up around him—his toned limbs moving gracefully with each kick, his stomach tight with every stroke of his arms. He looks so happy here—so complete.
“Aaron!” He says, handing me a sun smile as we pop out of the water for a moment. “Did you see the orange one? I wonder if those are pokey spikes or soft ones. Pretty, right?” He’s so excited. Like a kid in a candy store with his crazy wet hair and his wide eyes.
“I did—it was very pretty. Did you see the black one?” He laughs.
“Of course you’d like that one the most. It was beautiful, though.”
???
The couple’s massage is done at the villa. Two tables are set up next to each other and after stripping to nothing but the world’s tiniest cotton shorts, we lay on our stomachs and let the old women give us massages. They knead our muscles and I can smell the lavender of their lotions. We can’t see each other, but I can feel Benjamin in the room with me and I can’t help but think of every time I was in this position before. Able to feel his presence but not see him—able to see him but not touch. Able to touch but not…touch.
Every version of Benjamin over the years that I’ve met—that I’ve loved. The constant pull—the desire in his eyes when he’d look at me with Drew standing right behind him. Like he was begging for me to tear his clothes off and do it right, to please him how only I can. How he needs. How he’d look at me like he loved me and he hated that he was putting that in my face—another man—another relationship. The look of regret when he’d walk away, when he’d be forced to leave my side.
What misery. I would take misery to have these moments—I would take misery just to be near him—to know him. I love him more than I love breathing.
???
The first dinner was very nice. All fancy steak and red wines. We’re walking the beach on the way back to the villa, and I’m trying to not let the tight slacks Benjamin’s wearing distract me too badly.
“I just don’t see why Fe can’t go in 50/50 with me when he knows it’ll take Phoebe to the next level! What—is he having kids soon or something?” Benjamin complains, mentioning for the second time tonight how Felix won’t rent out the studio space with him for another year.
“I don’t think so.”
“Then what else does he need the money for?!” He throws his hands up—looking at me like it’s my fault somehow.
“Hey—yell at Felix, not me.” I chastise as we approach the steps to the villa and Benjamin laughs.
“I guess. Oh—look, the moon is making a crazy shadow on the water.” Sure enough—the night sky is quite beautiful on the ocean water. It’s his first time being somewhere like this and I’m so happy he’s enjoying it so much, that I could give him this experience.
His eyes reflecting the moonlight—the soft smile on his lips. Fuck.
“Come shower with me.” I tell him, and he looks at me a bit startled before he smiles wider—nodding at me as I lead him up the stairs.
The shower is a rainfall shower, and once it’s warm I tell Benjamin to get in. While he does, I order chocolate-covered strawberries to be sent and left outside the door of the villa sometime in the next hour. Then I join him.
I can see his outline through the glass panel even as it’s fogged. I can hear him humming as I walk toward him—can feel my heart beating faster—my body heating up. There’s no door to this shower, so I just walk in—catching Benjamin’s eye as I do, and he looks up at me with a shy smile.
He looks so soft and warm here—just as he did so many years ago. So delicate—so fucking beautiful.
“Aaron—” He sounds small, tentative. He turns into this version of himself when we’re alone, when we’re likethis. As if he will forever need me to guide him—to teach him—to tell him whatto do. It’s intoxicating. He reaches a hand out to me, the one wearing my ring, the one that makes him Benjamin Archer.
I hold it—kissing the back of his hand, the ring, his palm. Then, I slowly pull him toward me.
“Hm?” I prompt. He’s still staring at me—almost curiously now.
“We’ve never… we’ve never had—” He gasps when he’s pulled flush against my chest and our lengths rub against one another.
