“Since Aaron asked me to help set it up. Ow! I got two?!” Mom directs her attention to Kayla, who raises her hands in surrender.
“I have no excuse. Horrible daughter-in-law over here. I’ll take my slap.Oof—ouchies.” She rubs her head, grinning as Mom returns to her seat.
“Well—” Mom takes a deep breath and looks right at Benjamin. “Little Bear—you’ve been a part of this family for so long it really won’t feel any different, anyway. We lucked out I guess—both of our in-laws integrated so long ago there’s no awkwardness.” She jokes, relieving the tension.
“Here, here.” Dad agrees.
“Who’s going to walk down the aisle?” I actually hadn’t thought about Tina’s question.
“Bear is definitely the mommy.” Felix says—earning a roll to the face.
“Don’t be rude, son.” Dad chastises. “But yes—I believe it makes more sense for Bear to walk.” I turn and look at Benjamin next to me. He takes a bite of his roll—swallows—shrugs.
“I like people staring at me, so why not?” This makes the table laugh—apart from me because that’s a good point—everyonewillbe staring.
“Who’s going to walk you?” Dad asks, successfully propelling the entire table into straight silence once again. After a few uncomfortable seconds, during which no one makes eye contact, Benjamin clears his throat and moves to save Greg.
“No one—I suppose.”
Another one of those moments. Another desperate need to fix this, make it right. I can’t do it, I’m marrying him. Both Amber and Felix are at the altar with me, and Kayla and Benjamin don’t have that kind of relationship. He loves my parents, but they aren’t necessarily super bonded with him.
“No biggie—” he smiles at the family. “More attention for me, anyway.” This lifts the mood a bit and as the ever-loving best friend—Felix graciously changes the subject.
After helping Mom with the dishes a little later—I find Benjamin sitting next to the pool—dragging his foot in the water. Arizona weather never gets cold enough.
“Going for a swim?” I poke at him and he rolls his eyes.
“It’s notthatwarm, Archer.” Sitting down next to him, I stare at the water. “Remember the last time we swam together? I’ve been out here replaying it in my mind.” I can feel my dick hardening just thinking about it.
“Oh—you mean the night you asked me to damn near skinny-dip with you only to get all hard against me and tell me how badly you wanted me to fuck you? But poor Drew—you just couldn’t cheat on such a perfect guy.” Benjamin shoves my shoulder—rolling his eyes once more.
“Alright, smartass. But yes—that night.” He looks at me, tries to read my eyes. “I remember you holding me in the water and how my entire body fought to stay in your reach. Itphysically and mentally upset me to be good and walk away. I hated myself for that. For how badly I wanted you next to me.”Aw, fuck.
“Baby—” I pull him closer, making him sit between my legs and pulling his foot out of the water. “That night I considered chaining myself up like a dog so I wouldn’t follow you inside and seduce you into my bed with me.”
“It makes me a monster but if you had asked—if you had ever actually pushed those boundaries—I don’t think I would have denied you.” I can’t help the deep groan that rumbles out of me as I lean down, kissing his neck. “The day of your graduation—when you stood there looking like I had just ripped you to shreds when I told you Drew and I had started dating—that tore me up so bad. I… I wanted to hold you. I wanted to say never mind, dump Drew, and fix it for you. But you didn’t want me and I liked Drew well enough as a person, so… it haunts me now though.” I lick a strip from his shoulder to his ear and he squeezes my thigh—gasping softly.
“I was so heartbroken. I knew how badly I wanted you—but I couldn’t be with you. All I could do was watch.” A memory flashes into my mind, and I grab Benjamin by his shoulders—pulling him back to glare down at him. His eyes widen as he searches my face.
“What? What happened?”
“Want to know what I just remembered, Benjamin?”
“Oh, fuck. Something not good—I imagine.” He’s equal parts terrified, amused, and turned on. It is a very sexy combination on him.
“No—it is not. On my graduation day I also confronted you about what I saw you two doing against the swim annex.” Benjamin flushes a dark red. “When I found you there, I couldn’t even move. For a good few minutes, I stood there trying not to puke. And I wasn’t even angry; I was so fucking sad. I hated him so much. And then—guess what he fucking did right in front of me. Guess!”
“Did he say I felt good?” I press my hand over his mouth.
“Alright—never mind—no more guessing for you. I’ll just tell you. He took his nasty little thieving hand and laid it right over the place where we connect the deepest—where our souls become one. Right here—” I lay my hand over the skin between his hips—just above his groin. “He licked you and kissed you and laid his nasty fucking hands on the most paramount part of your body. Myfiancé’sbody. I thought about begging him to stop—but figured you’d get mad. Then you started whimpering for him and I could finally move, could finally run. So, I did—and I cried in my truck.”
Benjamin looks sad now, which wasn’t my intention, but it feels really good to have shared with him; I want to share more. So, I return my gaze to where my hand lays and I do.
“And—to add insult to injury—he then goes and takes it from me. Took away that first moment for you—where you connect so deeply with someone—where your soul intertwines with someone else’s. When you finally understand—feel what it means to be completely full of somebody else. He ripped it right out of my hands in my own fucking house. One door over. If anyone was an animal during all those years—it was him. He knew what he was doing, how he was crushing me.”
I raise my eyes from Benjamin’s hips to his eyes and see he’s crying now, biting his bottom lip to keep the sobs at bay.
“I never felt that with him.” I stare at him for a moment—I’m not really understanding.
