“Why…. I thought I was finally going to be happy.” Aaron sobs, pulling me tighter against him.
“You will—you will. I won’t let anyone hurt you again. I’ll never leave your side again.”
We get to the emergency room and Aaron leaves his truck running in front of the entrance, running inside to the front desk.
“What can I—”
“Help him. He’s drugged—he’s been raped. Please help himright now.” I can’t move to see the lady’s face. I’m pressed into Aaron’s neck. But suddenly there are a billion questions being asked. Then Aaron is setting me down on a bed and a woman is reaching for me.
“Aaron, Aaron—Aaron.” I’m crying—I wish I could run.
“Stop!” He yells. The nurse pauses, startled. “I’m sorry—but it has to be a man. He can’t handle women right now. He was just fucking assaulted.”
“Right! I’ll have a male nurse in here right away.” I hear the door close from where I’m laying down.
“Aaron?” My voice is so small—so scared.
“I’m right here.” He gets up onto the bed with me—pulling me into his lap again, staring down at me as he cradles me. “I’ll be here thewhole time, okay?”
“Okay.” I whisper. Then—just to be safe— “Aaron, if I fall asleep, don’t let them touch me, okay? Just in case.” His eyes are watering again as he nods, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
“Of course. Of course, baby. I’ll watch over you the entire night.”
And then, just like the scripture tells us—my God continues to watch over me.
Chapter Thirty Five
September 2022
Aaron
His face—tear-soaked and terrified, hazel eyes wide as that woman held his head up. The socks jammed into his mouth. I throw up—not able to keep a damn thing down. Those cries—those fucking cries.
“Aaron—help me!”
The fear when that nurse reached for him and the first thing he did was scream for me. As soon as he was getting the feeling back in his body, he wrapped his fingers around mine and didn’t let go. Not once. Benjamin kept staring at me—waiting for me to tell him again.It’s okay, you’re okay—I’ve got you, I’m here.
He called me so many times. He called for help—tried so hard. I talked so much shit about Drew and how he let this happen to Benjamin when he was with him, so certain nothing like that wouldeverhappen when he’s with me. I was wrong. I’m not the man I thought I was.
The fear upon seeing the missed calls. Running around the house searching for him. The rage I felt for her—convinced I’d finally see the day I hit a woman.
Fuck—Benjamin on that bed—exposed to the world, terrified. I heave into the toilet again.
“AARON!Aaron!” Benjamin is screaming. I sprint back to the bedroom to find him on his knees in the center of the bed. He must have woken up and I wasn’t there. We’ve only been home for a few hours and its night again. They did the rape kit. We made statements. Now we wait.
“I’m right here—I’m here. I was in the bathroom.” I hold his face, sitting in front of him. He holds my wrists—sobbing.
“Aaron—please listen—I didn’t—” He’s trying to speak aroundeach broken sob. “I didn’t like it. I didn’t want—ugh,” He gags over the force of his own cries. “I didn’t want to get hard. I promise. Please—please understand.”
“Hey—hey—look at me right now.” Benjamin looks into my eyes—panicked and uncertain. “I wouldneverleave you for something that wasn’t your fault—something so horrible. You couldn’t stop what happened or how your body reacted. I love you just as much as I did the day before, I trust you just as much.” He collapses forward, straight into me.
“I could see her face. Now she’s in my dreams too. Laughing at me—just like she did last time.” He picks his head up to look at me again. “Aaron—do I have to live with this now? I can’t do it all… I can’t… I can’t handle everything. Please take it away. Aaron—fix it. You always fix it.” He climbs into my lap—desperately clinging to me. “You make it safe—please help me.” He’s pleading with me, like a last resort. Like he wants to keep on living this happy life for me and he can’t anymore—not like this.
“Baby—I—I don’t know how to take away the pain or the memories.” He wails again—shattering me into pieces because I really can’t fix it this time. “But I’m here and I always will be. You can tell me when it’s too much and I’ll hold you, okay? I’ll listen. I’ll protect you; I won’t fail you again, Benjamin. I swear it—on my life. I love you.”
Benjamin pulls back and kisses my mouth so softly—so innocently. Closed mouth and minimal pressure. His tears mix with mine.
“Please—please hold me now.”
