No big deal. Just a little bit of sweating. It won’t get bad for a while—I have plenty of time. Just a pill every couple of hours. All good.
I open the door to our dorm and go straight to my wardrobe—standing on my toes and shuffling through the tub at the top blindly.
My skin feels hot and I’m light like a feather. Where are they?
Someone taps my shoulder and I spin around, jumping at the touch. Felix is standing in front of me. Where was he hiding? I smile at him—dimples and all. I’m so warm when I see him.
“Hi, baby. How was class?” He’s just staring at me. “What? Want a kiss?” He’s still not laughing. “Felix?” Another person is in the room—they clear their throat.
Aaron—sitting on Felix’s bed. My eyes settle on him, trying not to feel his presence in my bones.
“Benjamin.” He says and I flinch at the sound of his voice. I know the smile I’m sporting twists into something awkward and pained for a moment—I feel it. But the drug is still in my veins, and I still feel so good. I know I’m mad at him. So I’ll stay that way. But I still feelso good.
I turn away from him.
“Fe, why did you bring him here?” I’m not smiling, but I’m not frowning either. Am I breathing hard? Is it hotter now? “Anyway—it doesn’t matter. I have somewhere to be. Just need to grab something really quick.” I turn around and shove my hands back in the tub. I can’t see in it—so it’s all touch to find them.Come on.
“Bear—are you looking for these?” I can hear him shaking the little Ziplock—the pills smacking together. Everything around me seems to slow for a moment and I can feel my chest expand and retract.
OhGod. How do I get out of this? How do I get them back? Slowly—I come off my tippy-toes—still turned away from him. I’m aware Aaron can see the side of my face, but I don’t care. I hate him.
Think, Benjamin. Do you want to die?
“Benjamin,” Aaron calls out to me.
“Shut up.” I snap, turning my head to glare at him. But just as quickly as the anger comes it goes—and that pleasant hum surges through me. I laugh, covering my mouth with one hand and raising the other as if to calmhim.
He’s staring at me like I’m something precious to him.
“Sorry about that—I really am moody today. Ah, right.” I turn around—startled when Felix has my bag of Oxycodone in his hand. Before I can think—I swipe my hand out to take it. He smacks my hand.
“Hey! No!” Felix yells, like I’m five-years-old. I huff out a small laugh.
“Did you… did you just hit me?” He looks uncertain—a little scared. I feel so good I’m starting to burn up. I need a pill—now.
“You can’t have them, Bear.” I’m rubbing at my face so he won’t catch the glare—my hands feel so good, so light. I want Aaron to touch me.
“Listen, Fe—just give them back. I don't want to play. I need them, okay?”
“Needthem?!” He shouts, taking a step back—angry as his eyes water. I laugh again.
“Why are you crying?!” I throw my arms out. My mind can’t comprehend his upset. “Literally nothing is sad here! I’mhappy, you’re happy—I’m sure Aaron is happy fucking his way through all of Arizona.”
“Really, Benjamin?” I grin at him.
“I truly think so—yes.”
“Why are you taking them?” My head snaps back to Felix—all fun and light gone from my body. My peace is being ripped away from me—they’re tearing me apart.
“What?” He swallows, sneaks a glance at Aaron and asks again,
“Why areyou taking them?” I can feel myself twitch. I’m not sure if it’s my hands, my face, my legs— I don’t know. But I twitched that night too. I couldn’t stop it.
“Felix. I need them. Now.”
“No.”
“Goddamnit!”
