‘Why not? Desi demanded.
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
‘Would you ask a woman why she doesn’t like one night stands?’
Desi widened her stance and intensified her gaze as though she was preparing to spear the man off his feet while I contemplated whether or not to launch myself into the loch.
‘No, because I trust women,’ she replied. ‘In my experience, men who say they don’t like one night stands are usually trying to get into a girl’s pants. Ooh, I’m so sensitive, ooh, I’m not like other men, ooh, you can trust me. And it’s all bollocks.’
‘But you still date men?’ Callum asked.
‘Not if I can help it,’ she answered. ‘But unfortunately the heart wants what the heart wants.’
‘Babe, it’s not your heart that wants the D,’ Joel said sadly. ‘Who in their right mind would be attracted to men if they could help it? Have youseenwomen?’
‘I still haven’t heard an answer,’ Desi said impatiently.‘Tell us, what’s so special about you that you’re so above one night stands? We’re dying to know.’
‘Unless you’re horribly deformed or something,’ Joel placed comforting hand on Callum’s shoulder. ‘Then we really don’t need to know. Unless you want to whisper to me.’
‘I didn’t say I don’t do them, I said I don’t like them,’ Callum replied as I knocked Joel’s hand away from him. ‘Me and my ex got together when we were kids, I’d never even been single until a year ago. Being that intimate with someone you don’t know, well, it still feels strange.’ He caught my eye then looked quickly away. ‘It’s like late night fast food. Seems like a good idea at the time but you usually feel worse for it the morning after.’
‘You’ve been eating at the wrong places,’ Joel told him. ‘What a waste.’
‘Very noble,’ Desi replied. ‘But it’s a rare man who will turn down a shag unless it comes with a side of feelings.’
Even though it was far from a compliment, Callum still smiled at her turn of phrase. ‘Is it that impossible to believe?’
‘No,’ I said.
‘Yes,’ Desi said.
‘I know, Des, why don’t you enlighten us as to why you don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?’ I suggested. ‘How have the heartsick masses failed to snatch you out of the jaws of singledom?’
‘Not fucking interested,’ she stated as though the very idea were offensive. ‘Being on my own is very much an informed choice.’
‘Same here,’ Callum told her. ‘When my relationshipended, I applied to cooking school in Paris. Not much point investing time in dating when I’m going to be out the country for God knows how long, is there?’
No, I thought sadly, there isn’t.
‘So, you applied to cooking school at the end of your last relationship, interesting.’
Desi wasn’t done. She clucked her tongue against the top of her mouth in time with her footsteps. ‘Would you say you were running away from the heartbreak or trying to distract yourself from regret?’
‘I would say it’s something I’d wanted to do for a long time but my ex and I were in a long-distance relationship already and she didn’t want me to push that distance even further.’ Callum didn’t even break his stride, taking her inquisition like a champ. ‘Once I’d made my mind up to end things with her, I applied, not thinking I’d get in. I did. Now I’m going. That’s it. Not a very interesting story.’
‘I think it’s a very interesting story. Sounds complicated. Like maybe you wouldn’t have broken up if you could’ve come to a compromise on the long-distance thing. And who knows? Now you’ve both had some time to think about things, you might reconsider your situation.’
‘We haven’t discussed it,’ he replied, stiffening slightly. ‘I don’t know what she’s thinking.’
‘And do you think you’ll stay in Paris after you’ve finished your course? Or move back to London? Or maybe back up here to Scotland … ?’
I wanted to tell her to shut up, she was being so rude and so invasive, but I didn’t. Because I wanted to hear his answer even more. Callum’s eyes darted over to me and I mouthed a silent, fake apology.
‘I’m not sure. Right now I’m focused on cooking school.’
‘Leaning more towards one option or the other?’
