Everything was blue. The walls were painted a pale periwinkle, the carpet, cornflower, and the duvet cover on the double bed, deep navy stripes. Even the armchairs in front of the picture window were upholstered in a beautiful cerulean brocade. It was like falling into his eyes, every shade of blue I could imagine. There was a wardrobe, a chest of drawers, both made of old knotty pine, warm with age, and next to the window, two tall bookcases, both of them absolutely crammed from top to bottom with tattered paperbacks and dog-eared dustcovers.
‘I was a big reader when I was a kid,’ he explained when he saw me looking at his library. ‘Shit internet connection and Mum wouldn’t let me have a television in my room but, if anyone asks, I never wanted one in the first place.’
‘Oh, totally. You were way too cool for that,’ I agreed, taking a tentative step towards the bed, my backpack hanging from my hands. ‘It’s nice.’
‘It’s a head fuck,’ Callum corrected. ‘Every time I come in here, I feel like I’m fifteen again. Time and time again I’ve told them to get rid of everything and redecorate but they won’t have it. Callum McClay must be reminded of where he came from. As if I could forget.’
I gave another weak impression of a laugh.
‘My dad made me paint my room myself before I left for university,’ I said. ‘I even put my own stuff in the loft to save him a job. Thankfully I managed to do it without falling through the ceiling that time.’
‘Doesn’t sound like he was the most hands-on dad ever,’ Callum ventured. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘What’s worse, too hands-on or too hands-off?’
I took in a big gulp of air and exhaled hard.
‘I’m happy to sleep on the floor,’ I said, even though happy was something on an overstatement. ‘If you can give me a pillow and a blanket, I’ll be fine.’
‘If anyone’s sleeping on the floor, it’s me,’ he rolled his eyes as though I’d suggested something ridiculous. ‘Or I could sleep on the sofa downstairs.’
‘And have your parents think there’s trouble in paradise? That would defeat the whole object of why I’m here, wouldn’t it?’
Because there was a the reason, I reminded myself, and I couldn’t risk forgetting it.
‘It’s only for tonight,’ I said. ‘And we’ve shared a bed before.’
Callum looked at the bed and frowned. ‘You’ve seen me naked before as well but we haven’t given that a second go.’
‘Why, are you offering?’
Both of us blushed at once, my entire face beet red, his cheeks flaming.
‘Sorry, it just came out,’ I said, tightening my grip around the straps of my backpack. ‘I don’t know why I said it.’
‘Don’t worry. You make me want to do things I know I shouldn’t as well.’
Face still pink, body still heated, I stayed glued to the spot. ‘Anyone would think you’re starting to regret this whole thing.’
‘Are you?’ he asked. ‘Regretting it?’
Across the room, his eyes burned.
‘I regret seeing your father naked,’ I replied, tossing my hair over my shoulder and marching past him into the bathroom. ‘Pyjama time. Excuse me.’
I’d never been so grateful to bolt a door behind me. Callum’s bathroom was more modest than mine, a standard shower over a normal bath, rather than the fancy soaking tub and separate shower in the guest suite, but it was clean and tidy, even though a man had been using it for the best part of forty-eight hours. Impressive. I recognised Callum’s washbag from the train and calmly, quietly, poked through it as I waited for my nerves to settle. Face wash, moisturiser, toothpaste, floss. A stick of deodorant sat on the side of the sink and an electric shaver was stashed in its own little pouch on top of a stack of towels. One used bath sheet was neatly draped over the radiator, almost dry.
Placing my backpack down on the closed toilet lid, I unclipped the top and pulled out my own toiletries and pyjamas. This was fine. Everything was fine. Except for Desi and Joel showing up. And the massage. And the fact I was going to have to explain to Desi what had happened to her skirt sooner rather than later.
I looked up into the wall-mounted mirror and sighed.
And the way I felt about Callum.
Yes, he was handsome. Yes, he was thoughtful and kind and funny and when he bit his bottom lip I wantedto do terrible things that not even the smuttiest fantasy novel had thought of yet. I was only human. Physical responses were not always tied to emotional. Unless they were. I could lie to my friends and I could lie to his face but if I was going to get through this night without losing my mind completely, I had to stop lying to myself.
You make me want to do things I know I shouldn’t.
‘Stop reading into it,’ I instructed my reflection as I turned on the taps so he wouldn’t hear me talking to myself. ‘He meant this entire stupid enterprise. And inviting Desi and Joel to stay. And … and …’
