With a triumphant grin, Elsie stepped forward pointing at each of us in turn.
‘Her name isn’t Caroline, hers isn’t Svetlana, they’re not even sisters, and those two aren’t married.’
Neat, tidy, straight to the point. Worst of all, entirely accurate.
‘Callum?’ Derek spoke for the first time, one armreaching around his stricken wife. ‘What is this all about, son?’
‘It’s about him taking the piss out of us, as usual,’ Elsie snapped. ‘The four of them have been laughing at us ever since they got here.’
‘All right, Miss Marple, that’s enough,’ Desi said, pushing up the sleeves of her jumper. ‘Me and you, outside, right now.’
‘Gladly.’
Elsie threw off her coat, swishing it like a matador, glaring at my friend like she was a prize bull. Lizzie gasped and Shiv groaned, Derek moving to position himself between the two women and very nearly losing an eye to the zip on Elsie’s wax jacket for his trouble.
‘I’m moving to Paris,’ Callum announced abruptly.
The tableau froze. Elsie and Desi’s hands in mid-air, moments away from slapping each other silly, Shiv staring at him open-mouthed, Lizzie clutching at her throat and Derek scrunching up his face in confusion. Apparently Rory was the only McClay who still had the power of speech.
‘What?’ he said. ‘You’re moving to Paris?’
‘On Sunday,’ Callum nodded. ‘I got into the Escoffier culinary institute and I’m moving to Paris.’
‘You’re going to do that cooking course?’ Shiv said, her beautiful face a picture of surprise. ‘You told me you weren’t going to apply.’
‘Well, I did,’ he replied. ‘I never thought I’d get in, they only take a handful of applicants and thousands of people apply every year, but yeah. I applied, they accepted me and I’m moving to Paris. So I won’t be moving back home any time soon and I won’t be taking over the farm, ever.’
‘Paris?’ Lizzie went next. ‘Is Caroline going with you?’
‘There is no Caroline!’ Elsie yelled and everyone in the room jumped. ‘Caroline does not exist!’
Their mother looked down at me and I wrapped my hand around the McClay family locket.
‘In that case, would you like to tell me who she is?’
She.
From a member of the family to the cat’s mother in under ten minutes. I felt my lips quiver but I couldn’t find the words to defend myself.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ Callum muttered, one hand in his hair, the other on his hip. ‘Leave her out of it.’
‘It matters to me!’ Lizzie replied, indignant. ‘I’d like to know exactly who I invited into my home. Is she even your girlfriend?’
He tipped his head back and sighed, loud and frustrated.
‘Is she even a vegan?’ a curious Derek asked before he could answer.
‘No,’ Desi and Joel replied in unison.
‘Then who the bloody hell is she?!’ Lizzie exploded.
I held my breath, eyes locked on Callum.
Say it, I willed silently, tell them who I am. Laura Pearce, trainee neurosurgeon. Lover of Loch Ness and rare steaks and Christmas ornaments, who can’t hold her whisky and has feet like blocks of ice and you’re so glad you met me.
‘She’s no one. Just a random girl.’
All four chambers of my heart tore apart.
