‘You’re a savage!’ Gregory wailed, slamming his hand down on the kitchen counter and trying to hide his wince when he clearly hurt himself.
‘Please lower your voice,’ Mum moaned with one palm pressed to her forehead. ‘We’re all hungover, Gregory. Do we really need to do this right this very second?’
‘Morning, Este!’ Charlotte piped up from across the room. ‘Sleep well?’
‘Maybe we should come back later,’ I suggested, Joe nodding beside me as his father continued ranting.
‘What exactly is happening?’ William asked, appearing out the blue to block our path before we could leave. ‘Besides a re-enactment ofThe Real Housewives of Salt Lake Cityseason four finale?’
Charlotte twisted around in her chair, resting her chin on the overstuffed cushion. ‘Gregory tried to counter Dad’s offer to Genevieve Salinger but they turned it down, and Dad has apparently had a message from Nelson Allen’s agent, asking if he’d be open to pitching forNelson’snext book, taking him away from Herringbone and over to MullinsParker. They tried to fight again for a minute but it was all a bit sad so they stopped and started bitching at each other instead.’
‘I always miss all the fun,’ William sighed.
‘Happy birthday me!’ Dad picked up a small plastic noise maker and blew into it, the long strip of colourpaper streaming out with a dull horn sound that couldn’t quite manage to drown out the din of the room.
‘Perhaps it’s time the two of you made a move,’ Mum said, glaring at Joe who stood up straight at the side of me. ‘You don’t want to get stuck in the Sunday afternoon traffic on the M1.’
But Gregory was still laser focused on my dad, who was busy spooning brown sugar into his new ‘Birthday Boy’ mug. ‘I’m not going anywhere until he apologises and rescinds his offers to my authors.’
‘Better set old Greggers a place for Christmas dinner because Dad’s never going to go for that,’ William said. ‘You sticking around as well, Joe? If I put the extra leaf in the table, we’ll have plenty of room.’
‘We really should get going,’ Joe replied, an embarrassed smile on his gorgeous face. ‘Thank you so much for having us, Mrs Taylor.’
‘Don’t thank her!’
His dad was outraged, so upset that his entire head had turned the same colour as a plum. He looked to be seconds away from going full Violet Beauregarde in the middle of the kitchen. ‘Don’t thank any of them! They’ve already tried to drag you into their schemes, son, all this Este Cox bollocks? Can even one of you manage to tell the truth for one second?’
‘I don’t think Dad lied about anything—’ William offered but Gregory cut him off before he could finish.
‘Enough out of you!’ he exclaimed. ‘I want to know what’s going on with little missus mouse over there, forcing you into saying you’re Este Cox when she’s the smut-peddler. I can tell when there’s something rotten in the state of Denmark.’
‘This isn’t Denmark, it’s Derbyshire,’ Charlotte replied, kicking her legs back over the arm of the chair.
‘And that brat—’
‘Enough!’
Dad slammed his mug down so hard the handle snapped right off. ‘Say whatever you like to me but you do not speak to my daughters that way—’
‘Fine to talk to me like that though,’ William said quietly with a thumbs up.
‘—and I think you’ve overstayed your welcome. Time for the two of you to leave.’
‘The two of you?’ I repeated. ‘What did Joe do?’
‘Don’t, it’s OK,’ Joe replied with a quick squeeze of my arm before turning to his father. ‘Dad, go and get your bag, I’ll meet you at the car in five minutes.’
‘Five minutes longer than I want to spend in this shithole,’ Gregory muttered, stomping down the hallway. ‘Be outside in two or I’ll leave without you.’
‘Be right back,’ Joe said to me, slipping out the back door.
‘I’ll help,’ I offered but, before I could follow, my mum stepped in front of me and closed the door behind him. ‘Or, I could stay here’
‘Once our guests have gone, I think we need to have a conversation, don’t you?’ she said, her glasses slipping down her nose as she glared in my direction.
‘What happened to CJ,’ I asked brightly, closely examining my fingernails. ‘Did he not stay over?’
‘Last spotted mooching down the road to the pub in the rain with his arse hanging out,’ William replied.
