"Anybody who uses emphatic language is usually lying."
I clench my teeth, blustering a breath out through my nostrils."Gretchen, I am not 'ditching' you.I give you my solemn promise.And I thought ye might like to see me doing a big stunt.But if you'd rather hide in your hotel room..."
She says nothing for several seconds.Then she smiles."Sure, I'd love to see your stunt in person."
I try not to look overly smug at having tilted the scales in my favor."The stunt will take place at the distillery, but we'll need to leave right away.Would ye like to ride with me, or would ye prefer to run alongside my car and get in a cardio workout?"
She punches my arm playfully."Don't tempt me, Balfour.After your stunt, I might outrun you just for fun."
"A lass outrunning me?Impossible."I move round to her side, then hold the door open, inviting Gretchen to climb in with an exaggerated flourish."Buckle up, lass."
She slides in and crosses her legs, but unfortunately, I dinnae see much skin.Yet Gretchen still manages to look both casual and like a Bond villain's getaway accomplice.Strong women might intimidate some other Scotsmen.Not me.I'd love to explore every last millimeter of her delectable body and then ask her to do the same for me.
The drive to the Thane Buchanan Distillery cuts over a single-lane road that clings to the curves of Loch Fairbairn.The fresh spring air carries with it traces of rain and damp earth, though the sky is clear.I drive faster than I probably should, but if I dinnae do that, we might not arrive in time for me to show off my stunt.Gretchen gazes out every window to enjoy the full panorama of the River Ashray that wends its way down the sloping torrent.But soon enough, we pull into the car park at the distillery.I insist that Gretchen wait in the Porsche so I can jog round to the passenger door, gallantly swinging it open for her.And I offer her my hand to help the lass step out of the vehicle.
She kisses my cheek."You learn fast, Balfour.Opening the door for me was a smooth move.I like it."
"Glad you appreciate my chivalry."I keep my hand lightly on her lower back as I lead her toward the main doors of the distillery."The stunt will take place further upriver, though the public isn't permitted to attend this event."
"But you brought me here."
"You are not simply a member of the public,mo leannan.You are my...ah..."
She smirks."Lost for words, Balfour?"
"No, I am not.But I wasn't sure if I should call you my lass, that's all."
"Call me 'lass' or 'girlfriend' or 'hey you.'I'm not picky."
I clutch my chest, feigning shock."I would never shout 'hey you' at my favorite lass."
With Gretchen's hand in mine, I pull the door open.She throws her head back to take in the enormity of the lobby---vaulted timber beams fitting for a whisky cathedral.Half of clan Buchanan seems to be here, but most of them will remain in the building.Some lean on the rails above the production floor, sipping from fluted glasses and showing doubtful interest in the safety crew who wear orange vests, which they'll need during the stunt.Gretchen's trainers squeak on the tile, and every head swivels in our direction.She stands taller too, her shoulders set as if she's about to lead a corporate takeover.I want to drag her into a dark corner and do wicked things to her.But I restrain my lust.
For the moment.
Thane Buchanan and his American wife, Rebecca, appear from around the corner of another hallway.I know that corridor that leads to the malting floor, which itself lies on a lower level.Thane stops in front of us, wearing a charcoal suit that must have cost more than my entire wardrobe.I reckon he wants to look dapper for the cameras, though he won't be seen in the video.He's allowed to invite a few guests as part of the bargain I made with the production company.
"Ms.Carver," Thane says with a slight bow, as if he's greeting visiting royalty."It's a pleasure to meet the woman who finally tamed Kirk Balfour.I'm Thane Buchanan, owner and master distiller."
"Thank you for the gracious welcome," Gretchen says."I'd love to explore this place sometime, but not now.I'm dying to find out what kind of stunt Kirk's got up his sleeve."
"As am I."He waves toward the door at the other end of the hall."Follow me."
Thane leads us all the way down the corridor to a metal door.
It's hardly a secret that Thane's whisky is the best in the Highlands, but even I must admit the set-up is impressive, with a hand-built wooden ramp for exiting the building.Once we're outside, I lead the way to the staging area for the stunt.It involves the River Ashray as well as the cliffs on either side of it.But I willnae spoil the surprise by blurting out what I mean to do.The camera crew and other necessary lads and lasses are already gathered at the site.
"Time for me to go."I squeeze Gretchen's hand."You'll stay here with Thane and a few others while I do my job."
"But I can watch the stunt live, can't I?"
"Of course.So keep your eyes on that cliff."I point to the location, which lies high above the river where it widens out just before its waters tumble over the thundering cascade.Gretchen seems vaguely anxious, so I assure her, "Nothing will go wrong.Remember, I'm an expert at stunts like this."
She nods, chewing on her lip.
And I get ready.The preparation involves being fitted with a harness and rigging a line from the old iron girder at the edge of the distillery's car park to a battered wooden anchor post across the river.I checked the weather forecast earlier this morning, and everything should be good to go.I assure everyone that I've done similar stunts at least a hundred times before, though this particular drop will be slightly more treacherous due to the idiosyncrasies of the terrain.
I cannae see Gretchen from the prep area, but I hear her voice as she banters with Thane as well as Rebecca's two adult children, Eric and Courtney.The sound of Gretchen's laughter echoes on the wind, and the thought of her watching me from the base of the slope gives me an oddly warm feeling.I want her to be proud of me.How barmy is that?Christ, I've never wanted to impress a woman this much.
