‘What’s a chunt?’ Joe asked in a whisper.
‘Use your imagination,’ I replied in the same.
‘You know it’s no phones allowed.’ She swiped it out of his hand and delivered a swift kick to the shins with her black and white Nikes. ‘I can’t believe you.’
‘I assumed that didn’t include family,’ CJ said, blinking his cow eyes behind the magnifying lenses of his glasses but Charlotte the Gen Z genius was unmoved.
‘It does but you’re not family.’
She held the phone up to his face to unlock it then flounced off, scanning his photo album and howling with laughter as she skipped away.
‘How is it possible your sister is as awful as you are,’ he said viciously after she disappeared into the house to stash his phone with the rest of her bounty. ‘It’s beyond me how a woman like your mother managed to raise such a pair of—’
‘If I were you, I’d be really careful how I finish that sentence,’ Joe interrupted, stepping forward.
CJ sneered. ‘Why, what are you going to do?’
‘Say whatever it is you were going to say and find out.’
‘Boys,’ I cautioned, positioning myself between the posturing men.
CJ drew himself up to his full six feet of height and still came up short compared to Joe.
‘I’m not afraid of you,’ he said, even though both of his hands were visibly shaking. ‘And she’s not worth it, just so you know. Starfished her way through five years together and now she’s begging me to take her back.’
‘That’s me,’ I replied with a dramatic shrug at Joe. ‘As you can see, I’m practically on my hands and knees over here.’
‘Bitch.’
CJ whispered the word so quietly it almost escaped under the music and party chatter but I heard it and, if I heard it, Joe heard it too.
‘Do you know where the nearest hospital is?’ he asked.
‘Yes?’ CJ replied.
Joe clenched his huge hands into giant fists and rolled back his shoulders.
‘Good.’
As a teacher, I believed violence was never the answer, unless it was between siblings in which case it was totally fine, but there was a dark little part of me that really wanted to see Joe knock CJ on his arse. There was an even bigger part of me that wanted to do it myself but my dress was new and the bodice tight and I wasn’t sure how possible it would be to throw a proper punch without ripping it.
‘Joe, leave the poor wretch alone,’ William said, appearing just in time to join me for the standoff. ‘Look at him, he’s suffered plenty.’
‘I don’t know about that,’ Joe replied, still staring daggers at CJ. ‘He’s an ignorant, overgrown toddler squeezed into a Topman suit and I’ve had enough of him.’
‘How dare you!’ CJ shrieked. ‘This is Dries van Noten!’
It was a strange final straw but insulting a suit that was so tight we could all see the cut of his boxer shorts seemed to be the thing that finally pushed CJ too far. He launched himself at Joe but, before he could land a hit, William put out one arm to hold him back, and just a few half-hearted attempts at slaps in Joe’s direction windmilled over my brother’s shoulder before CJ gave up.
‘Really?’ Joe said, trying not to laugh. ‘That’s it?’
‘I hate to interrupt CJ getting a pasting but your presence is needed.’ Sarah hurried over with a worried look on her face. ‘All of you,’ she said before resting her eyeson CJ. ‘Well, not you, obviously, you walking chocolate teapot.’
‘Were we too mean to him?’ I asked as we hurried away, following her across the garden. I shivered suddenly. The air had turned cooler and there was a sudden breeze.
‘No,’ William and Joe answered together.
‘I don’t even know what he said and I’m confident we’re right,’ William added. ‘Please don’t tell me or I might have to go back there and slap him myself.’
