‘Then you should see some of the sweet sixteens I’ve done.’ Her eyes widened with disbelief at her own memory. ‘They’re carnage. Bel Air teen parties makeEuphorialook likeSesame Street.’
Along with the mermaids and the unicorns, the luckiest-slash-most-spoiled seven-year-old in the world also had a petting zoo, an outdoor mini spa and a bouncy castle, and next to the bouncy castle, a real castle. A to-scale replica of Sleeping Beauty’s castle that was the size of most starter homes in the UK sat on the far side of the lawn all tied-up with a gargantuan blue satin bow. How did you even tie a bow that large? Was that a skill you could learn? Did they teach special classes here in how to cater to the one per cent? I stopped myself from asking the question because I didn’t quite know what I would do with myself if Bel said yes.
‘When I turned sixteen, my mom took me and my two best friends bowling then we got a McDonald’son the way home,’ she muttered, casting a dark look over the Bel Air birthday extravaganza.
‘A classic birthday choice,’ I said, smiling for the first time since she showed me the tail. ‘I did the same except we went to Frankie & Benny’s.’
‘Are you still friends with them?’
‘Am I still friends with who?’ I asked.
‘Frankie and Benny.’
‘In a way,’ I replied wistfully. ‘We don’t see each other as much as we used to, but I know they’ll always be there for me in my time of need.’
Getting back to the task at hand, I rolled over to the water and if my tail hadn’t been too tight to allow it, I would have gasped. The other three pools were wonderful but ours was exquisite. Shallow around the edges and deep, dark blue in the middle with a soft sweeping current that sent tiny waves across the surface, it looked more like a small lake than a swimming pool. No, a grotto. It was the perfect home for a couple of mermaids, even if one of them was completely bricking herself.
Neatly positioned on the gently sloping edge, Bel unfurled her fins and slid into the pool. My entry wasn’t quite so elegant. I rolled down the slope, hitting the water with a splash, only stopping when I grabbed hold of a passing fish-shaped floatie. Playing mermaid really was the perfect way to show off my complete and utter lack of upper body strength, but it was too late to worry about quitting that 2015 Instagram arms challenge after only two weeks now.
‘Do you really think we could pull it off? This love letter stuff?’ Bel asked as I delicately spat out a mouthful of saltwater. Knowing I was in the water but not beingable to feel the water was really straining my tenuous grasp on reality, and a mild but growing sense of panic fluttered in my stomach. ‘I’m not a great writer, I don’t want to mess it up. Every time I think about Ren, I want to puke.’
‘It’s going to be perfect because I’m going to help you,’ I promised, quite close to puking myself. ‘All you have to do is think of the things you love about him then dress it up a bit. We probably won’t mention the fact he makes you want to vomit.’
She pouted, absently slapping her fins on top of the water.
‘The best writing is authentic,’ I said. ‘You can tell when someone’s speaking from the heart, it comes off the page.’
‘Is this a good time to tell you I failed English?’ Bel said. ‘More than once. Can’t you just write it for me?’
‘No. I’m the conduit not the author,’ I replied. ‘It has to be your thoughts realized by my words. Think of it as me realizing the artistic expression of your feelings. We’re symbiotic, we’re working together.’
She sparked into life with a dazzling Hollywood grin. ‘So it’s a collab! Like I’m Harry Styles and you’re Gucci?’
I smiled back, touching a hand to my heart. ‘That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.’
‘If that’s true,’ she said with a look of alarm, ‘we need to introduce you to some better people.’
There wasn’t any time to think on her advice. A loud rumbling sound in the distance wiped the smile right off my face.
‘Can you hear that?’ I asked, instinctively wrapping an arm around my seashells. ‘What is it?’
‘Oh, that?’ Bel tossed her hair over her shoulder and swung her legs into mermaid position. ‘That’s the kids.’
It sounded more like a herd of hangry, hangry hippos on their way to an all-you-can-eat buffet.
‘How many are coming?’ I asked, craning my neck to peek around the rocks. What seemed like a stupid idea ten minutes ago now felt like the biggest mistake I’d ever made.
‘I don’t know, like, fifty?’
Fifty children? Half a hundred seven-year-olds and there I was, sitting in a foot of water with my legs bound together and a very precarious grip on my bikini top. I knew I should have double knotted.
‘I don’t think I want to do this,’ I said as the unicorn whinnied with distress across the lawn. We were of one mind. ‘I’m not a strong swimmer. I shouldn’t have agreed to it and—’
‘Babe, it’s all good.’ Bel’s tone remained calm and soothing despite the fact the roar was getting louder and louder and louder. ‘Here’s what you’re gonna do, climb up on that rock and they won’t be able to reach you. Just toss your hair around, look cute and I’ll handle the ones in the water. Trust me, they get bored of us so quick. After five minutes, they’ll be making TikToks with the unicorn and rolling their own sushi.’
When I was seven, the closest I came to rolling my own sushi was nicking one of my mum’s crab sticks.
‘OK,’ I muttered as I shuffled along the floor of the pool, reaching the rock as hordes of children streamed across the lawn. ‘But why do I feel like they’re going to be making sushi out of us?’
