“So…” Nitro says before taking a drink from his bottle. He doesn't say anything else, he knows I’ll answer.
I shake my head and gulp down half of the bottle before responding. “Fucker hasn’t given much, begged for mercy, offered to come work for us, cried like a little bitch. I’m not ready to give up, but I don’t think I’ll get much out of him. I’m not even sure that he knows much.”
I hear him turn in his stool, throwing a quick glance his way. He’s leaning back, his elbows resting on the bar, as he scans the room. “I know what’s going through your head right now.”
I turn to face him. “What?” I ask.
“You’re questioning your ability to do this job. You feel like you’re failing.” He stops to look at me, but I don’t face him. I hate that he’s right.
Since I was promoted to Sergeant at Arms, I’ve felt like I’ve not been good enough. I feel like I’m failing. Like I’m letting my brothers down.
“Church, now,” he tells me, and I watch as he slides from his stool, grabbing his beer and heading toward our meeting room.
Shit. Being dragged into Church in the middle of a party isn’t a good thing, even worse when you’re the only one being called in there. I don’t hesitate, climbing from the stool, grabbing my beer and following the Prez.
I secure my mobile in the lock box outside of the room and head through the door. I attempt to push the door closed, but it’s stopped before I get a chance.
My heart skips a beat as Wrath steps around the door and closes it behind him and then takes his seat at the table right next to Nitro.
Nitro tips his head, indicating for me to take my seat. I do and then position it to face them both.
If both my Prez and VP are in here, then I must be in some serious shit. Fear ripples through me at the irrational thought I might lose my position as SAA.
As my brothers sit in silence watching me, I take a sip of my beer then place the bottle on the table in front of me.
“We’ve noticed that you’ve been pretty quiet for the last few months. You don’t interact with the brothers as much as you used to, and I know that you’ve been in the security room watching the compound most nights with the Prospects,” Nitro states.
He doesn’t ask any questions, he’s stating facts that he knows, and I don’t need to tell him why I’m quiet or why I spend my nights in the security room, I’m almost certain he knows the reasons why.
But as we sit there, the minutes ticking over, my brothers watching me, I feel like the silence might suffocate me. I reach for my beer, but I don’t take a drink, instead I pick at the label on the bottle, hoping for something to distract myself with.
“So…” I begin, not looking at them. Too scared to see the looks in their eyes. “Is this where you tell me that I’m no longer the Sergeant at Arms? Is this where you tell me I’m back to being an Enforcer?”
“What?” Wrath asks.
Nitro leans back in his seat, kicking his feet up on the table and crossing them at the ankles, his eyebrows raised. “That’s not why the VP and I called you in here, Ice. We just want to talk. We want you to talk to us.”
My eyes flick between him and Wrath, and I contemplate just staying quiet, but I know they won’t let me leave until I start talking.
I blow out a breath and drop my head. “Ever since Marissa was taken, I’ve questioned whether I’m the right man to be in the SAA position. My job is to protect everyone in the club, and I failed you.” I turn to face Wrath. “I failed Marissa, she was taken and hurt under my watch—”
“Stop,” Nitro snaps as I raise my head to look directly at him.
“As my Sergeant, your job is to protect the club and everyone in it. It’s your job to protect our assets and our compound. But it’s not your job to do it alone, and if there is even a single fucking second you feel like it is, then as your President I’m not doing my job correctly. You’re not alone, Ice, never. We’re a brotherhood for a reason. We’re all responsible for the club’s safety.” His eyes never leave mine as he grabs his beer and tips it back, drinking down half of it.
“Brother.” Wrath pulls my attention to him. “What happened to Marissa was not your fault. You think you feel guilty? Every day I think about the fact that if I hadn’t of pushed her away, she may never have been taken. If I’d been there, she would have been safe.” He drops his head and take a few deep breaths before looking back up at me.
“She reminds me every single day that the only people to blame are those that chose to take her and hurt her. That I’m not responsible for other people's actions. And neither are you.” He gives me a small smile and then turns to Nitro.
“When one bleeds, we all bleed.” They quote the last line of the club’s motto in unison.
“Now, Marissa is asleep upstairs, and I don’t feel like partying with those fuckers out there. What do you say you and I go have a different kind of party in the basement?” Wrath gives me a wicked grin, and I nod in agreement. I know they are right; I know I’m not alone, but I feel like I have so much to prove, and I want them to be proud of me. I want them to be certain that they made the right choice when they promoted me.
“Brother?” Wrath questions Nitro.
He just shakes his head. “Nah, you two fuckers go have some fun. I’ve got some shit to do.”
He stays seated as Wrath and I stand, before heading out and back down to the basement to take care of our little guest.
