Prologue
Dear Diary,
I wish I could escape. I wish there was a way out of here, but I can’t leave Mason. I can’t leave him behind and risk them doing to him the things they do to me.
Sleep still doesn’t come any easier the older I get. The fear of what the night may bring keeps me awake most of it. And when I do finally fall asleep, my dreams are racked by images of the night Mum and Dad were killed.
Guilt plagues my waking hours. I should have been home with them that night, but I’d wanted to go to my friends. I’d argued with them all day about not wanting to stay in for a family dinner.
The last time I saw them I was yelling about how much I hated them, about how they always wanted to spoil my fun. I ran out of the house yelling behind me how much they were ruining my life, slamming the door as I left.
I wish they’d known how much I loved them. Fuck. I wish I had just stayed in for that dinner.
But if I had of stayed in, I might not have survived either, and Mason really would have been alone.
I still don’t understand why they let him live. Maybe it was simply because he was just a kid? I figure beating to death a four-year-old is a lot harder than beating two adults.
There’s a part of me that wished I had been in the house when it happened. Part of me wishes that I had died too. At least I wouldn’t be here, and at least I wouldn’t be going through the shit I go through every day.
Fuck. But if I wasn’t here then Mason would be suffering alone. The thought of what they would be doing to him if I wasn’t here makes me feel sick.
Chapter one
I jump as I hear a door slam downstairs. Quickly closing my notebook, I climb from my bed and place it back under the loose floorboard before slotting it back in place and flipping the corner of the rug back over it.
“Nova?” my aunt yells up the stairs. I know better than to ignore her or take too long to reply. I’ll only pay for it later if I do.
Racing out of my bedroom, I hurry down the stairs and meet her at the bottom, giving her a weak smile.
“Uncle Roger and I will be home at six p.m., make sure dinner is ready and Mason is ready for bed.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I reply. She scowls at me before stepping out the front door and locking it behind her.
I dip my head and take a deep breath as I move off the bottom step then head into the kitchen where my little brother is sitting at the table with his homework. He looks so much like our dad. The dark brown hair and brown eyes, his nose, like mine, is long but button-like at the end.
I smile as he lifts his head to look up at me, but the moment he sees my face his eyes well with tears. I shake my head and pull him into a hug. “It’s okay. I’m okay. Don’t worry,” I whisper into his ear.
He spins in his chair as his arms wrap around my middle, small sniffs letting me know that he’s crying. I drop to my knees in front of him and grab his face, tilting it down toward me.
“Hey, bud, please don’t cry. I’m okay, I swear,” I tell him, trying my hardest not to let him see just how much pain I’m in.
“I’m, so… sorry, Nova,” he sobs at me. ”I should have eaten all my dinner last night. It’s—”
“Hey,” I cut him off. “This is not your fault. You did not have anything to do with this, do you understand me?”
I watch as he swallows, contemplating my words for a few seconds, before he shakes his head.
“Mason, I mean it. You have to understand that nothing they do to me is your fault. They are responsible for this, not you.” I hate this, I hate that I have to reassure him, that he really believes that any of this is his fault. I hate that he knows what is going on. He’s nine years old, he should be out playing with his friends, having fun. But instead, he’s locked in this house, watching the shit that I go through and then blaming himself for half of it.
“Nova, please can we leave? Let’s just run away.” He looks down at me, as glimmers of hope shine in his eyes. I lick my lips and swallow.
“We can’t, bud. Uncle Roger and Aunt June are your guardians, they have custody of you. I truly wish I could get you out of here, but if we ran and got caught, then I’d be arrested, and I might never see you again.” I stand, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. But as I go to walk over to the fridge to start dinner, he grabs my wrist. I turn my head and glance down at him.
“Then you have to go. You have to run, Nova. I don’t want them to hurt you anymore, I’ll be okay.”
I shake my head at him. “I’ll never leave you behind, Mason. We’re a team, you and me. I’ll do anything I have to, to protect you, and that means I have to stay. Now, do your homework and stop worrying. Everything will be okay. I promise.”
Silent tears fall down his face again, but he quickly swipes them away, before turning back to his homework. He doesn’t believe my promises, and why would he? I don’t even fucking believe them.
