Not getting it.
I want to be a cantankerous ninety-year-old biddy.
Not getting that, either.
And even if I did imagine having a real wedding—Jamie walking me down the aisle, Declan waiting for me at the altar, me telling the world that I love him and promise myself to him for the rest of my life—would it even matter?
It wouldn’t.
“Please.Leave me alone for a while.”
I shove him onto the porch and close the door.
CHAPTER 45
Declan
I don’t know what to do with myself.I don’t know where to go.
I’m supposed to be going somewhere, but I can’t think clearly enough to remember where.
I stand in the snow outside Summer’s cabin and look out into the darkness.My coat is open, but I don’t feel the cold.Or maybe I do and that’s why I’m shivering.
No.That’s not why I’m shivering.
Get it together, Declan.
Focus.Breathe.Fucking fix it.
I know where I’m going now.I get in the car and drive to Evander’s place.I walk into his house without knocking, even though it’s late.The house is dark except for candlelight.There are candles everywhere.
I see a shadow in my peripheral vision and sidestep as Evander leaps at me.He misses, but barely.His body slams against the wall.
“It’s me, asshole,” I mumble.“Not the Russians.”
“Dammit, Declan!”Evander growls.“You can’t bust into a man’s home at this time of night!What the fuck were you thinking?”
Just then I notice he’s wearing tailored slacks and a black cashmere turtleneck.In the middle of the night.He’s put together even when he’s not supposed to be put together.I’ll never understand him.
“It’s Yosemite Ranch,” I say.“Communal property.”
“My home is my property.What do you want?”he growls again.
Out of the darkness, Phoebe appears.She walks around Evander and comes right to me.She hugs me tightly, and even though she’s half my size, I’m grateful for the physical support.I’m having a hard time standing upright.
She holds me like this for a long time.Finally, I take a deep breath and exhale.When I do, she steps out of the embrace.“I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this, Declan,” she says.
“Going through what?”Evander scowls.
I look to Phoebe, and she shakes her head to assure me Evander doesn’t know.“It is privileged information, Declan.I would never.I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”
“Want towhat?”Evander reaches for the light switch.We all blink against the sudden brightness.He stares at me, then Phoebe.
She takes my hand.“Come and sit down with me.Evander, go get Declan a glass of water and put a teaspoon of sugar in it, please.Better still, get him a Coke.”
He’s standing there like a dolt.“I don’t drink Coke.”
“I do, and there’s a sixteen-pack in the pantry.Hurry up.And bring him a glass of ice for it.”
