“So here’s what I want,” I say.“I want to make you happy.”
“I am happy.”
“And maybe one day we’ll talk about kids.Everybody was right.There are options.And maybe one day we’ll choose to look into it.”
“We can consider that, yes.Or not.I don’t care.I only care about you.”
“I know.”I stop pacing and turn to him.“So right now, here’s what I propose we do.We just focus on loving one another.We enjoy each other.We live good lives and be good to the people we love.And maybe having a wedding where Beyoncé isn’t invited.That’s it.That’s all I want.I’m ready for some joy.”
Declan smiles.His eyes are full of all kinds of things—anger and grief and disgust and worry—but he’s smiling at me, and he pulls me into him for an embrace.
And I let it all go.
CHAPTER 68
Declan
“I’ve never been afraid of flying,” I say.“Right up until this very second.”
“I think I’m doing great!”Summer cries.
It’s her third in-the-air lesson in my two-seater, and it’s been bumpy, to say the least.She keeps getting distracted as we fly over Lake Tahoe, and when she gets distracted, she forgets what she’s supposed to be doing.
“Focus on the air,” I urge her.
“What the hell does that even mean?”
“Focus on stayingupin the air instead of lookingdownat the ground.For example, see that mountain right there?Don’t hit it.”
“That’s a weird thing to say.”
“Bird!”
“Where?”
Splat.
“No worries.Bro had nothing to live for, I guess.Rudder!More right rudder!”
“You’re a nervous wreck, Declan.”
“And you’re looking down again.Auughhh!”I scream like a girl.I’m not proud of it, but I do.I clear my throat and do my best to calm my rapid heartbeat.“Actually, you’re doing great,” I lie.“How about you take a break for a few minutes, stretch your arms, and I’ll take over for the rest of our short trip?”
“If you say so.”
I take over the controls and enjoy my first full inhale and exhale since Summer started the engine on the tarmac.
“I thought we had a deal,” she says after a few minutes.
“What deal is that?The one where you promised to swing from the trapeze every other Tuesday?”
“No!Hey, wait a minute.ThisisTuesday, isn’t it?Are you hinting about something?”
“Strongly suggesting.”
“Don’t get off topic.About our deal…”
“Not the trapeze?”
