We’re silent again.Looking at each other again.
“It’s not fucking fair,” I say.I can barely get the words out.
“No, it’s fucking not,” he agrees.
“I don’t have any pain.No symptoms.How can I have…cancer?”I whisper the word frightened of saying it too loudly, in case it feeds off of being addressed by name.
“Can you be packed and ready in two hours?”
“Ready for what?”
“I made some calls.We’re going to see the number one gynecologic oncologist in the world.Say that three times fast.I’m flying you to New York.”
I groan.“Ugh, not more flying.”
“It’s just to the other side of the country.No biggie.”
“I’ve missed you so much, Declan.”
“I’ve missed you more.”
He grabs me and pulls me in, wrapping me up in his embrace and squeezing me so hard and long that I worry he’ll snap me like a twig.Then he releases me, cradles me in the crook of an arm, and drops a tender, loving kiss on my lips.
“Let’s get you packed up,” he says.
He takes my hand and together we walk to my bedroom.I collect my duffel bag from the closet floor and start throwing things inside.I toss in a bra and panties.A pair of pajama pants and some fuzzy socks.Two pairs of jeans, one cotton sweater, and two long-sleeved tees.
“You still got that black lingerie from Las Vegas?”He raises his gaze to me, looking like a kid caught elbow-deep in the cookie jar.
“You mean the stuff you said provided less coverage than dental floss?”
“I knew there was a reason I liked it.”
“Maybe it’s still around here somewhere.”I grab the half-cup bra and thong panty from the top drawer and toss them into the duffel, smiling to myself.He’s so cute.I look up.
Declan’s leaning against the wall near my closet, just watching me, hands shoved down into the front pockets of his jeans.He’s wearing an old fisherman’s sweater and hiking boots.His hair is a little longer than I’ve ever seen it, and his jaw is stubbled.
That boy is so outrageously handsome.He always has been.
I remember the day I met him, when Joe gave me a lift from town and brought me to Yosemite.I stepped out of the pickup and the first thing I see is this gorgeous guy standing there, wondering who in the world I was.
Really big and muscular, but young.Probably only a couple years older than me.With a wide, sweet smile and eyes of such an unusual color that I had to keep looking to make sure it wasn’t a trick of the light.He was the first MacLaine I met.
I liked him immediately, and I was surprised at how crushed I was to learn he’d soon be joining his older brothers in the Navy.Because in the course of just a few weeks, the good-looking kid had made me laugh more than I had in my whole life.
I discovered that I could breathe when I was around him, deep and steady.He was my lifeline, though he didn’t know it.He brought me into the ranch and into the family and made me feel welcome.
By the time Declan left, he was already the best friend I’d ever had.In his absence, I dug into ranch work as a way to prove myself, to earn a place among the finest people I’d ever run across.I kept busy.Learned the ropes from Jamie and worked alongside Declan’s little brother, Kevin.
I thought of him all the time.I kept in touch with letters and emails.And when Declan would pop in for a visit, we’d just pick up where we left off.The best of friends.It was a pattern that repeated for close to a decade.And then he came home to stay.
And it all changed.
As a sixteen-year-old girl, I’d never paid any attention to boys.I didn’t have time for them, though they were always sniffing around like stray dogs, trying to stick their snouts where they didn’t belong.
Of course, I knew about sex.I even knew a few girls who’d already had babies.I didn’t want any of that shit.I was looking for a way out of all the misery I saw all around me.The last thing I wanted was a rope around my ankle, keeping me tied down and trapped, keeping me from the only thing I wanted.
To get out.
