Once I’d closed the patio doors, we sat on the sofa. I explained about the photos.
‘That is…’ Gabriel paused.
‘Mortifying?’ I offered.
‘Obviously it would have been better if he had not seen the photos, but I am not ashamed. Sex is natural. We did nothing wrong. And you should be proud that at least you could discuss it like adults.’
‘Yeah. I always wanted Ricky to feel like he could talk to me. I could never do that with my parents.’
‘You have never really talked about your parents. Do you still speak to them?’
I paused and swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.
‘No,’ I said, tears forming in my eyes. ‘For fuck’s sake!’ I muttered. It was stupid that this still got to me. It happened over twenty years ago. I should be over it by now.
‘Sorry – I did not mean to upset you.’
‘It’s not… I wasn’t swearing at you. I was swearing at myself. Because…’ I quickly wiped my tears.
‘Laila!’ Gabriel’s eyes widened with alarm. ‘What is wrong?’
Seeing the concern on his face was all it took for the floodgates to open. I started sobbing like a tired newborn baby.
Instead of probing me with questions, Gabriel just took me in his arms and let me cry on his shoulder.
I wanted to apologise. Tell him I was sorry for acting like an idiot and soaking his nice shirt with my tears, but the words just wouldn’t come. Instead, I just kept crying for what was probably forever.
It was as if all of the tears I’d kept bottled up for so many years had finally decided to come out at once and now that the dam had burst, there was no hope of holding them back.
Gabriel rubbed soothing circles on my back as I cried my heart out.
Eventually, the tears stopped. I’d probably exhausted my body’s entire water supply. I pulled away slowly and when I saw the state of Gabriel’s shirt, I winced.
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘I seem to have a habit of ruining your clothes. First I soak your shorts and now I’ve destroyed your shirt with my tears and snot!’ I gave him a weak smile.
‘You have nothing to apologise for. I have many shirts. This is not even my favourite. I was thinking of throwing it away anyway.’
That was so sweet of him to try and make me feel better. If I’d done this in front of anyone else, I would’ve felt embarrassed or self-conscious, but somehow Gabriel made me feel comfortable. Like it didn’t matter what I did or said, he wouldn’t judge me.
‘My parents disowned me,’ I blurted out.
Gabriel didn’t say anything. It felt as if he was giving me the space to decide whether or not I wanted to elaborate and I got the impression that he’d be fine with whatever I decided to do. Just knowing that gave me the reassurance and strength I needed to continue.
‘My parents were always very strict. I wasn’t allowed to go out and have fun at the weekends like most kids. They always had me doing chores like scrubbing the floors or cleaning the windows. Whatever they could just to keep me inside where they could see me. I even had to choose a uni that meant I could still live at home so they could keep an eye on me. Which is probably why I rebelled a little.’
‘How?’
‘By having a boyfriend – Ricky’s dad. Obviously they didn’t know, but when I got pregnant and they found out, they said they were… “disgusted and extremely disappointed”.’
I’d remember those exact words until the day that I died. Every time I pictured them saying it, it felt like someone had poured vinegar onto a deep wound in my stomach.
‘They told me I should get rid of the baby. And when I said that I wouldn’t, they said I couldn’t stay under their roof, so they kicked me out.’
Gabriel’s eyes widened with shock.
‘They threw you out when you were pregnant?’ he asked.
I nodded and a fresh tear rolled down my cheek. Looked like I hadn’t exhausted my body’s water supply after all.
