“Talk to me.” Titus’s voice is low in my ear as he inches closer, the warmth of his body heating my back. “Tell me what I did to upset you.”
He’s so calm. So steady. So…
Fucking clueless.
And my emotions must be just as under control as my hormones, because I snap.
“I can’t do this anymore.” I’m relieved at how pissed I am, because I don’t sound hurt or humiliated like I will when all the dust settles.
Titus goes very still behind me, his large frame freezing against mine. “Do what?”
“This.” I wave one hand around, motioning between us, grateful I’m facing away from him because somehow it makes this easier. “Whatever in the hell it is. I can’t do it.”
Titus still doesn’t move. I can’t even tell if he’s breathing at this point. “What do you mean?”
Is he being purposely obtuse? Willfully oblivious?
It makes a little of the fight bleed out of me because I thought he was so different, but maybe he’s not. “I mean I don’t want to play this game anymore. Pretending we’re something you don’t actually want to be.”
Titus finally pulls in a deep breath, his exhale brushing against my bare neck. “And what is it you think I don’t want us to be?”
I take a shuddering breath before admitting the truth I’m so good at ignoring. “Anything.”
“Wrong.” Titus’s response is immediate and sharp. “I want us to be everything, Mariah.”
I shake my head, refusing to let myself wander off the path of reality. “No. If you did, you’d…”
When I don’t finish, Titusprompts, “I’d what?”
I guess I’m in the shit now, so I might as well lay it all out. “You’d fuck me.”
Titus makes a rumbling sound, like he’s considering my accusation. “Fucking comes in many different forms. If I remember correctly, we’ve done all but one of them.”
The low gravel of his voice in my ear has my body reacting in spite of the situation. “But why haven’t we done that one?”
I don’t really want to hear it, but I need to. I need a reality check. I don’t know if there’s still time to salvage this whole thing, but even if there’s not, I clearly can’t acknowledge the truth on my own.
And without that acknowledgement, I know what will happen. I’ll let myself fall completely in love with Titus. I’ll plan our future together. I’ll let myself think I’ve finally found what I’ve longed for my whole life.
Someone who wants me.
“We haven’t done that one thing because I’ve already pushed you in ways I shouldn’t have, and it was wrong of me.” Titus breathes deep against my skin, one hand leaving the counter to grip my hip. “I’ve initiated interactions I should have let you control.” His lips brush my skin as he shakes his head. “I had to draw the line somewhere and give you the power you should have had all along.”
I try to follow along, but the feel of him is so distracting. It’s probably how I ended up in this position to start with. “The power to… what?”
“To decide what happens between us. I should have let you make all the decisions, but it’s so fucking hard because I want you so goddamned much.” His fingers flex where they grip me. “And I’m sorry I wasn’t better.”
He’s still not making any freaking sense. If I really was the one making the decisions, he would have already railed me over just about every surface in this house. “I’m not the reason we haven’t fucked. You are.”
Thanks to pregnancy hormones and sexual frustration, I’mback to being mad again. I’m giving myself whiplash, so I can only imagine how Titus feels. But I don’t really have it in me to care. I’m so twisted up and confused and afraid and disappointed in myself that I can’t be worried about him right now.
It probably doesn’t matter anyway. He doesn’t seem upset the way I am over this, which isn’t unusual. I’m always the one who thinks there’s more. Who invests too much. Who sees things that don’t—and never will—exist.
Titus is quiet for a second, but a little of the calm has bled from his voice when he says, “No. I’ve been waiting for you to let me know you’re ready.”
I scoff. “What did you think I was doing all the mornings I rubbed my ass against your dick?”
“Innocently cuddling.” Titus leans into me a little more. “I thought maybe you were just trying to get closer because you were cold.”
