“You’re so lucky. How fortunate was it that you went viral with that video where you were singing? I wish something of mine had taken off like that.” Angel’s smile wasn’t quite forced.
I could give her the benefit of the doubt and take it as just her being friendly, trying to get to know her boyfriend’s best friend. Or, I could be wary, because like so many others had tried, she was seeking an in, a way to get noticed, which could be name dropping or sharing a photo on her socials with me in it. I had no reason to trust her.
“It was lucky.” That was all she was getting. I’d leave out the sob stories about the amount of dancing and singing lessons my mother had taken me to, the strict regimes and restrictions on what I could do. I loved singing and writing songs, so I was invested, and I totally trusted my mother when she’d said that I needed to believe her when all she was trying to do was to help me have my dream career.
“When do you film the videos to your songs? I’ve always been curious about how that works.”
She was walking next to me now. The only way to put a little bit of distance between us was for me to walk closer to the bulls – cows, according to Caleb. “It depends on what the plan is. Sometimes we film a few together, other times it might be ad hoc.”
“I thought the video for Dancing Lights was amazing. I loved the acting in that.”
There we had it. This was why she’d come for a walk with us.
“Thank you. I loved playing that role.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “That was you?”
I nodded. I actually liked doing the videos more than performing, which was why they were generally theatrical. I could become one of the characters my songs were about and escape a little. “I usually appear in the videos but the make-up department like to disguise me.”
“Do you think you’ll be filming a new video soon? I’d love to be in one, even if it’s a small part.” She was dripping with enthusiasm.
“There are no plans at the moment, but when we do, if there’s a part in, I’ll get Caleb to tell you and pass on the details.” I managed another smile, catching Caleb’s eye, but he looked uncomfortable at the exchange.
“I can just give you my number. I’m down in London in a couple of weeks so we could meet up for a coffee or cocktail. It’d be really good to get to know you better – Caleb has told me loads about you.” She cast him an adoring look which he didn’t return.
“I’m not in London until after Christmas now. I’m headed to Los Angeles after this week to record a new album, so I’ll miss you. Maybe next time?” If Caleb was true to form, Angel wouldn’t even be stored in the contacts of his phone in another week or two, and there’d be a replacement on the way. “Is that a lapwing?” I looked at Caleb, hoping he would help me take a way out of this topic of conversation.
“You’re right.” He sent a grin my way and pointed out something else which distracted Angel away from me and music videos.
We sat in his dad’s living room that evening with pizza and beer, watching re-runs of Frasier on TV. This was the first time we’d seen each other since we’d slept together, although we’d been in touch at least every other day.
We hadn’t spoken about it. What had happened had been a one off, as agreed. I’d had a kind of boyfriend since, and Caleb had mentioned at least three different girls’ names. He’d done what I’d asked him to help me with.
I hadn’t accounted for the soft ache in my chest when I saw him with Angel though. I knew how it was to be held in his arms; I knew how it felt to have him kiss me. My body still remembered what it was like when he was inside of me and it wouldn’t be opposed to a repeat, something he couldn’t know.
Because that wasn’t us. We were those two nights and apart from that, friends.
“Angel seems nice.” I decided to address the small elephant in the room.
Caleb shrugged. “She’s okay. I think she wants more than I do, though.”
“So what’s new there?” This was the usual story.
“Nothing, I suppose. I’m sorry she badgered you into the music video stuff.”
“I didn’t agree to anything, Cay. And it’s not the first time that’s happened.” I stretched my legs out onto the footstool. Usually, I’d have just rested them over Caleb’s knee, but he had a girlfriend who I’d met and that felt wrong.
“I did ask her to not ask you for anything. She was really curious about you and how we knew each other, and she said she was cool with us just being friends.” He looked up at the ceiling. “I guess she’s not that bad of an actress.”
I laughed. “Probably not. At least she didn’t get any photos.”
“True. I’m going to call it off with her anyway.” He scrolled through his phone, Frasier forgotten for now. “We didn’t get a photo today though.”
Usually, every day we were together, we took a selfie, joking about how we’d one day be able to compare who’d aged better. Today there had been no photos when it seemed obvious that Angel was looking to drop my name in where she could.
“Come’ere.” He roughly wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. For a moment, I held my breath, remembering the last time we’d been this close, what’d happened afterwards.
He held up his camera, our faces appearing on the screen. We already looked older than in the last photo we’d taken.
