I gave him the headline.
He nodded, still eyeing me like I was insane, which maybe I was.
“I'll let you have privacy and a sixty second pause. No more.” He nodded just once. “Good luck.”
“Yeah, I’m probably going to need it.” I headed back to where Marie was waiting, chatting to someone else that worked there like she’d known them all her life. She was much better than me at putting people at ease and I’d realised over the last few daysthat there wasn’t a soul she wouldn’t strike up a conversation with. “Ready?”
Her smile illuminated the day. “I have been for the last few minutes. What were you talking to him about?”
“Taking photos.” It was the only plausible thing I could think of. I could add more but then she’d definitely get suspicious.
“Okay. You are allowed to, if that was what you were wondering. Here’s the elevator.” There were numerous lifts in the Empire State, something like seventy of them which meant this wasn’t exactly Blackpool Tower, but this last leg of the journey only had the one. Basically, this worker was doing me a huge favor.
I followed Marie into it, trying every technique I could to pull myself together enough to get out what I needed to say. I figured I had around two minutes before we were back in public.
A two-minute pitch.
“So what are we doing - ”
“I need to ask you something.” I interrupted her, unable to keep it in. “And it’s probably the maddest, craziest thing I’ve ever suggested in my life and you might want to leave me on the top of this building after you’ve heard it because you’ll think I’m insane.” I paused, aware I was wasting precious seconds.
“I know we only met a few days ago and this isn’t rational and usually, I’m rational, about most things anyway.”
“Too rational.” She interrupted me. “But you’re right – it’s not been long at all.”
“It hasn’t. But I’m in love with you. I haven’t felt like this before, ever, which is a bad thing to say, but it’s true. I don’t have much to offer, just me and I’m a bit fucked up right now, and I have four wild children, but I’m in love with you and I don’t want to leave in the morning and not tell you that I love you. I need to ask you something too.” The lift came to a jolt. I dropped down to one knee.
“I don’t have a ring yet. I don’t even know what size to get you or what setting you’d like and you might say no, and I totally get it if you do.” I looked up at her, her eyes wide and dark, her expression one of shock, tears escaping from her eyes that she rapidly wiped away.
“Will you marry me?”
The pounding in my ears caused by my heart tapping itself into sprint like it’d never done before ceased. I felt light-headed, dizzy, seeing things with a clarity I hadn’t done before.
Like Marie. She still looked in shock.
I stood up, the lift starting on its journey again. In another few seconds we’d be close to the top, New York spread across the view like a lover promising the world.
Marie closed the small distance between us. She was going to say no, I knew. It was too soon, too much. I had too much baggage for whatever this was between us to be able to bear.
The kiss she started was sweet and long, still continuing when the doors opened and the voice of a small child came through clearly.
“Mom, what are that man and woman doing?”
He’d never seen his parents kissing then and I realised my kids had never seen me and Rachael being affectionate or acting like a couple.
They’d never seen me be in love with someone and they’d have no idea what that was like.
I didn’t think I knew what that was like before.
I held Marie in my arms a little longer, the lift beeping at us to get out, one of the adults waiting to head back down to the ground standing so the doors couldn’t close.
“We need to get out of the way,” she said, still wrapped around me. “And climb those stairs.”
Still no answer. Maybe she was just going to be kind.
We finally moved, heading to the narrow metal staircase up to the highest observatory in the Empire State Building, saying nothing. I felt deflated, even though I knew I’d just played a long shot, but she still had hold of my hand.
As well as my heart.
