“Did you ever think you’d say those words?” Her smile was victorious.
I had to laugh, there wasn’t much else I could do because she was right. I didn’t want to think about how right she actually was because all of those priorities I’d had for so many years would've been wrong, and I wasn’t ready to deal with that level of guilt yet.
If ever.
But I would choose differently moving forward. From today.
My heart carried on a too-heavy beat as we travelled through the city, Marie pointing out more of the sites and historic places that I hadn’t had chance to see yet. I’d been to New York before, but as a teen and even then it’d been filled with my father’s work commitments, showing me off as the son of the heir to his throne.
“Where are we going exactly?” I took hold of Marie’s hand, wondering how many more times I’d get to do just that.
“There.” She pointed with the other.
I squinted. “The Empire State Building? Don’t we need a reservation or something.” World Trade Center was taller, but there was something about the Empire State Building. Judging by the tourists, I wasn't the only one who felt that way.
“We have one. It isn’t often I ask my father for a favour, but I did this morning.” She shrugged. “First favour in a decade, I reckon. But you can’t not take a trip up this before you go home. And you can take photos for Max and Jackson and Claire too – you should buy them a present from New York as well before you fly back. Empire has a gift shop with stuff that might be perfect.”
I stopped walking, surprising her when I held her back by her hand. “I have had the best time being here with you.” I smoothed her hair back from her face, seeing her eyes sparkle more than usual, maybe with tears. “You’ve no idea how much this time has meant to me.”
“Stop it. This sounds too much like goodbye.” She caught my hand that was playing with her hair and pulled it down to her hip. “I don’t like goodbyes. Not with you. I hate it in the mornings when we go to our different teams and I don’t know for sure whether I’ll see you later and all I want is to be certain I will do.” She laughed, taking back a hand from mine so she could wipe away an escaped tear. “It’s only been a few days and I just want more.”
I nodded, the plan that had formed in my mind taking root. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I knew what I was doing.
Almost.
I wasn’t sure anyone ever truly knew what they were doing and were confident about it, unless they were a psychopath.
I kissed her then, my hand resting on the back of her head, fingers in her hair as her lips were soft against mine. She tasted of chocolate and coffee, the sweetness and bitterness combined so exactly her. Soft, but with a bite. Fierce. Determined. Stubborn.
I didn’t think I’d ever not know how she was feeling. Not like before.
“I don’t want this to be goodbye,” I said when the kiss ended.
I watched her as she searched for words back, nervous without being afraid, because I didn’t think I was on a different page here.
“I don’t want that either. I have options. I can switch to the London office. It might take a few months to get everything organised but I was thinking about it anyway.” Her arms stayed around my neck, pedestrians meandering around us as we really were blocking the way a bit.
“Good.” I nodded. Those words would give me the push I needed for the rest, which may be a moment of stupidity on my part, but I was doing it anyway. Life was too short to not dance when the music started, or smile when you could find even a glimmer of sunlight.
Marie was my sunlight.
“We should carry on – we do have to be there for four.” She grabbed my hand again and pulled me through the sea of people, pointing out more places to see and things to do, things she thought Max and Jackson and Claire would be interested in.
My heart raced while we queued at the Empire State Building, the landmark as imposing and crucial as the ones in London that I passed every day. St Paul’s Cathedral, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, the Tower of London and Tower Bridge – sites my children weren’t familiar with and I felt a jolt of something as I thought about how they would bewhen I introduced them to those places that were part of their history.
This place might be part of their history too.
I swallowed as we were led through to the upper elevator, as the Americans called their lifts. I tried to pacify my heart that seemed to be beating to the tune of an Irish jig, one that no one could keep up with.
“It’s a quick ride to the hundred and first floor,” the staff member told us. “From there, you need to walk up the stairs to the hundred and second floor observatory – not a great walk, it’ll get your heart racing – but the view’s phenomenal and then you can say you went to the private observatory.” He gave us a nod and stepped away. “You can also climb up into the spire today, but you can't really see out, so it's up to you.”
I let go of Marie’s hand and followed him. “Excuse me, could I ask a favour?”
He frowned and nodded. “I can see what I can do.”
“Can you stop the elevator? Just for one minute before we get to the top. I need to pitch something to the woman I’m with and I need a little more time to make my case.”
He looked at me as if trying assess whether I should be institutionalised now or later. “Can I ask what case you’re trying to make?”
