His laugh was soft. “They weren’t having a barbecue.”
I nodded, finding the confidence to look at him. “They are tomorrow afternoon. You could’ve waited until then.”
Cas shrugged. “I wanted a change. And I was curious.” He swallowed, then took a sip of his beer.
“Curious about what?” That thing was happening to my heart again.
“Curious about you.”
ELEVEN
Cassian
What a difference a day could make. I was here against my better judgment, the rational voice I’d listened to when Romy had asked me out on a date had been louder then. Tonight when I’d seen her, on a Friday afternoon with a lazy sun hanging in the sky as if it was willing the weekend to ebb in, I’d had one of those fuck it moments.
I was lonely, if I was being honest. I would throw myself into Puffin Bay’s sports teams, I’d get involved in the community, I’d work every hour needed to make my school the best place to be, but I missed having that connection.
I’d been missing having that connection for a couple of years. Bryony and I were going through the motions and we both knew it, but carrying on with a dying relationship rather than humanely putting it down. There was a marriage and a mortgage that would be a pain in the arse to sort out, so there needed to be reason to dismantle it.
A reason was provided.
I wished we’d had a fight and we’d both given up at the same time rather than what happened. All that changed afterwards was that we weren’t in the same bed and I hated both of them for how it’d ended.
Moving to Puffin Bay, even though it’d only been a few weeks, hadn’t changed anything other than it was just me in the space. The connection with Bryony had long since gone, way before she started an affair.
There’d been something about talking to Romy at night, or texting with her. Something I hadn’t had for a while and I wasn’t sure whether it was a connection or chemistry. There were a dozen reasons why I should’ve gone to the Puffin Inn and lost at cards again to Roe or someone else who was there, but I hadn’t done that. I hadn’t wanted to.
“Why are you curious about me? Nothing very interesting here.” She looked a little flustered, which made me feel guilty. There were mixed messages going on here, my fault, and while I might be many things, I wasn’t a messer.
“I think you’re interesting. I like talking to you.” I took a mouthful of beer and remembered how hard it was to be honest sometimes. “I wasn’t sure if you were asking me out yesterday or feeling sorry for me.”
She blushed and looked away. “I was kind of asking you out but I didn’t think you’d say yes anyway. At least I did it.” She shook her head, tendrils of hair falling out of her ponytail, still not looking at me. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”
“You absolutely didn’t embarrass me. I wasn’t sure if you were taking pity on me, but my answer was honest – I have to get myself sorted out. I’m not even properly divorced yet so the additional baggage is a bit heavy.” I waited for her to look at me, when she did, she was smiling, as if it did make sense.
She stretched out a little and looked more relaxed, the evening shadows from the weeping willow dancing across her face.
“The baggage doesn’t go away, I think we just learn to carry it better. I have a house full of it and I can’t get rid of it. Joel wasn’t the perfect husband or lover, but he was a good man and we should’ve had longer, but we didn’t. His death was unexpected – I think I was in shock for a year – but everything that happened has made me who I am today, just like your marriage has helped shape you. I’ve tried for years to sort myself out, as you put it, and I know now I’m already sorted; there are just a few more chapters to my book.” She picked up the bottle of wine and topped up her glass by an inch. “And that’s okay.”
It was. It made sense. “So don’t wait for everything to be in the right place before you move on.”
“If there was a right place to begin with.” She shook her head, more hair falling out of the tie. She giggled and pulled it out, her thick hair tumbling down around her shoulders.
I’d never seen her with her hair down before. It suited her, and I couldn’t lie, I wanted to know how it felt, whether it was as silky as it looked.
“True. There’s something in us that makes us want towards an end goal, only the journey you end up being on to get there alters what that end goal is.” I looked up at the sky, a pinkish hue suggesting tomorrow would be another fine day. “Why has it taken you so long to half ask someone out on a date?”
She laughed, nodding. “I guess that’s what it was – I half asked you out. It’s fine you said no, by the way. I understand. I spent the first three or four years after Joel died trying to get used to everything and I didn’t want to meet someone else or try to. But now I think it would be good to meet someone; I think it would be good for Heidi to see me have a relationship that’s not just a friendship, even if it doesn’t work out. She’ll have tonavigate heartbreak too at some point. But I didn’t think you’d say yes and I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had.”
“Why didn’t you think I’d say yes?”
She laughed and looked away, shaking her head slightly. “Why would you be interested in a single mum who’s first husband was the hero of the town you’re living in. I don’t have a perfect body, or a model’s face, and you’ll have women falling at your feet.”
I don’t know why her words shocked me, but they did, a bit like a bucket of tepid dirty water being tipped over you.
“You’re doing yourself a disservice.” I didn’t take my eyes off her. “And you’re really overrating the idea of perfection.”
She shrugged, not really believing me.
