Before reality scared away the dream completely I pulled back the scenes, thinking of Cassian, imagining how he was in bed, how he would be now if he was here and not just a flicker from an illicit dream. How would he touch me? How would he fuck? How would it feel when he grew closer to coming. Aspects of the dream lingered like mist, before a quick, forceful orgasm wrecked my body and unleashed the reality that I was alone and I had to get up and make breakfast for two five-year-olds.
Then I had to face the man I’d just gotten myself off to in a school playground.
I bet that was what seventeen-year-old me had always dreamed of.
NINE
Cassian
“There’s talk of a town hall meeting to look at security across Puffin Bay.” Roe Holland watched sadly as the ball left his foot in the wrong direction and his attempt at beating his record for keepy-uppies was ended at forty-three. “If I’d known that a six-year-old could break into Romy’s house, I’d have sent a team round earlier.”
“You were at Romy’s house?” I wasn’t sure why I was surprised at this. I’d heard Romy’s friend Liv mention something about Roe Holland going round to look at security. It was only Tuesday evening, football training for the team I was now an official member of – the hazing process was putting your card behind the bar, which was happening once we were in the Puffin Inn.
There’d been a strategy meeting this afternoon with school, the police and social care, where information had been shared and a plan formed. Mia was to stay with Romy under a special guardianship order. She’d be considered a child looked after fornow, and probably long into her future, given what information had been pieced together about Cara.
There were a couple of misdemeanours for theft, possession, another for solicitation, and an older charge for fraud, most before Mia was born. Her name was linked to Mia’s dad and other people associated with the organised crime group he was involved with.
There was also some shock as to why this hadn’t been picked up before, the wider picture not pretty and it became clearer that Mia had probably needed support for some time, although that wider picture hadn’t been known.
“Romy’s house had a back door you could unlock with a toothpick,” Roe said, sitting down on the bench and yanking off his sweaty training top then wiping his face with it. “No locks on the windows, too many places in the back garden where someone could hide for ages – great for Heidi to play hide and seek, but not great if you might have someone stalking you.”
“You think that’s the case?”
Roe shrugged and picked up a water bottle, pouring the water over his face. “Judging off what I’ve read about the ex, I’d say so.”
“You don’t think Cara’s had a breakdown and disappeared to pull herself together?” I was still holding onto this being the correct scenario.
“Unlikely. I think we’ve picked up an image of her at a petrol station near Conwy, where she’s a passenger in the front seat. It was a fill up and run – they didn’t pay for the petrol, which was how we found the CCTV footage. The station owner posted it on social media trying to get a name of the driver so he could name and shame them. I think Cara’s alive and trying to run away from someone.” He started to unlace his boots.
“Why wouldn’t she take Mia with her? If she’s scared someone’s after her, why leave her daughter. She’s effectively abandoned her.” It wasn’t resonating with me.
“She could’ve left under duress. She might’ve figured that someone would take care of Mia and that was easier than taking her with her, and probably better for Mia as well. People do strange things that rarely make sense.” He stood up. “I need to shower. If Freya turns up and smells me like this, she’ll figure out a way to hose me down. Again.”
I’d briefly met Freya, Roe’s wife, at the weekend when she’d been talking to Mavis about the benches along the promenade. I hadn’t gotten involved in their debate, because that seemed like stupidity, but I had been surprised when I realised she was married to the town’s techie.
“I thought you worked designing apps.” One of the teachers at school had mentioned that Roe could design an app for us to enable better communication with parents, but a system where parents could only contact us via it at certain times of the day and not during school holidays or weekends.
“I do. That’s what pays the bills. But I have a couple of family connections that have a big security firm and I help out with the cybercrime side. We sometimes work as civilians for the police and for my sins, I’ve ended up being an expert witness a few times. I like helping to lock up the bad guys.” We wandered into the changing rooms, the smell not exactly fresh.
The sports club facilitated cricket and football, as well as lacrosse, a crown green bowling team, pickleball and tennis courts. It was situated just outside Puffin Bay, but within walking distance, which in theory would be good for a cool down after the match. The cricket season was at its peak, the football teams just starting pre-season training, albeit early given the first match wasn’t until mid-August and we were only in mid-June, but given most of the team were away during the summeron holiday, and there were times in late July and August when the club was booked out for festivals and funfairs as well as cricket matches, we needed to get some practice in when we could.
Today both the football team and the cricket first eleven were training, so the changing room was particularly fruity, more so than on Sunday which had been my first practice. I played cricket too, brought up in a sporty family that’d produced a couple of professionals, but for now I was just going to stick with football. That and sorting out where I was living.
I showered, shot the shit with my new teammates, which included Roe’s two brothers, both of whom were here, although Finn hadn’t trained because of a hamstring pull. Caleb was there too, our keeper, and a couple of others who I recognised from walking round the town with Romy on Saturday.
It was hard not to think about Romy.
I’d had an email from my solicitors this morning, just after I’d spent an hour with the school’s chair of governors, so it was akin to having bleach poured on a freshly scraped cut. Bryony didn’t want the furniture or the house we’d shared, claiming she needed a fresh start. I had no idea how things were between her and Jason, but it sounded like it was souring.
It didn’t surprise me. Bryony was high maintenance, with false lashes and nails, an inability to get ready to go out in less than ninety minutes and she had a savings account for tweakments as she got older. I’d been okay with this – she was also a good laugh, kind, great with my family and friends (too good as it happened) and the good stuff about her outweighed the bad. Plus I was no angel to live with and she’d seemed happy to put up with my quirks and general weirdness, including my obsession with sport.
Jason was the opposite to me. He was a workaholic, wasn’t massively keen on exercise, was teetotal – no issue with thatbut Bryony definitely wasn’t – and in all honesty, he was a bit boring. I’d known him since we’d taught together at a school in Liverpool and we’d both been newly qualified teachers, the job creating a friendship that otherwise wouldn’t have happened.
How he and Bryony would work out together I didn’t know, but I wished them well. It was better for me if they were happy, at least while our divorce was going through, so she didn’t try to stall things, or make decisions that would make my own path less smooth.
I just wanted done with it. Bryony didn’t want to be with me anymore and as much as that had stung at first, my ego battered like a boxer who wasn’t prepared, I’d accepted it.
It wasn’t meant to be.
