Cassian:Watching sport, reading some articles on education when the sport got boring, and I fended off a call from my mum.
Me:Is she going to see your new place?
Cassian:She’s planning on being here at Christmas if I say I can’t go to her, which is what’ll I’ll probably do. She lives in the same part of town as my ex, and I’m not relishing the idea of bumping into her or my ex best mate. Not that I’m feeling sorry for myself.
Me:I think you’re allowed to be. Any relationship ending comes with a side of grief.
Cassian:It does. I suppose that’s the risk we take though, when we fall in love with someone. We choose to be vulnerable.
Cassian:God, that’s deep for a Monday night.
Me:Or any night, but you’re right.
Cassian:Would you have a relationship again?
My heart was beating at the same pace as it had before when Liv had heard something outside. Why was he asking? Was he just being polite? Was he interested? Was I going to overanalyse every syllable he’d written – absolutely yes.
Me:I think so. Meeting someone might be hard though. I know everyone in Puffin Bay and I don’t really go much further afield unless it’s for work.
Cassian:You never know what might happen.
Me:True. How about you? Or are you forever scarred.
Cassian:At some point. I probably need to sort myself out first and remember how to adult alone.
Me:It’s not that much fun. I adore my daughter, but there are only so many conversations about cartoon characters you can have before it stops being interesting.
Cassian:I understand that pain. How’s Heidi managing having Mia around all the time?
Me:Okay. She’s never been clingy and she’s always wished for a brother or sister. I’ll set up the spare bedroom for Mia this week and they can have their own space, but I suspect that Mia will want to sleep in the bunk beds. I don’t think she likes being on her own.
Cassian:Understandable. I’ll see you at the gates tomorrow and walk Mia and Heidi to their classroom. We’ll keep them safe while they’re in school – and outside of school. I get the feeling word's going to get around about Cara.
Me:Liv says they’re going door to door tomorrow and searching the coastline, so the drones will be out and the boats. Everyone’s going to know something’s going on and most people will have a theory.
Cassian:As long as they look out for you and the girls that’s a good thing.
Cassian:I’ve added your number to my favourites. If you need anything during the night, it’ll ring. I’ll come straight down, bulls be warned.
Me:Thank you. I appreciate that, but I’m sure we’ll be okay with Liv sleeping downstairs. See you tomorrow.
Cassian:Sleep well.
I almost did sleep well. It was easier to drift off to sleep than I’d been expecting, my mind doing exactly what Liv had said, focusing on analysing Cassian’s messages instead of what was going on with Cara.
I was woken in the night by Mia, who’d come to find me with tears running down her cheeks. She’d had an accident and wet the bed, which I reassured her was quite normal and we could easily make it better. Heidi slept like a fairy princess who’d been drugged by a wicked fairy, or at least pretended to. I was never quite sure with my daughter.
We remade the bed, tucking in the sheets with Mia showing me enough skill for me to determine that she was probably the one who made her own bed at home. The old bedding was put in the washer to go on in the morning, and I told her again that it was fine and I wasn’t cross and she shouldn’t be upset.
Then I’d lay next to her on her bed, patting her back like my mum had done for me when I was a little girl and I did now for Heidi, noticing her breathing becoming deeper as she fell fast asleep again, tucked up in fresh bedding, which was always a treat.
As I returned to my own bed, I reminded myself of my ambition to spend a night in a posh hotel by myself, order room service and sleep in high thread count sheets that I hadn’t washed, kind of iron and put on the bed.
That sounded like bliss and I pictured that some more until the head next to me in the bed was Cassian Caddick.
Which was probably why when my alarm sounded what felt like three minutes later, I was in the middle of a rather full-on dream about my daughter’s head teacher. The blanks of those sentences Liv had hinted at last night were filled in, hazy movie clips involving white sheets and dark hair, dark eyes and forearms that should’ve been classed as porn pittered in mysubconscious, and I woke with an ache between my legs and dampness that wasn’t usually there.
Still half-asleep, my hand pushed under my knickers, fingers I pretended weren’t mine slowly pulling through wet folds, and I started to touch myself, circling my clit that was already sensitive, I was already close.
