“I’m not gorgeous. I have stretch marks from being pregnant, my belly will never be flat again and I breastfed for nearly twelve months. Cassian Caddick is six feet of manliness that makes most women swoon three times before breakfast. I’m not even going to be able to compete.”
“Do you think he’s that shallow? I don’t. I think you should ask him out.”
“He’ll say no.”
“So what if he does? What have you lost?”
“My pride and dignity and the ability to attend any school event.”
“He wouldn’t tell anyone, I can see that. No one would know if you ask him and he says no. Be brave. Ask him to dinner.”
“Tiny matter of two small beings to look after. I’m not Cara; I won’t leave them alone given they’re five.” I wouldn’t leave Heidi alone in the house when she was fifteen as I suspected I wouldn’t have a house to come back to.
“I’ll babysit. And if I’m on shift, Joel’s mum will babysit. I’ve sent her a photo of Cassian – she’s all for you having a more formal introduction.”
“You make it sound like we’re in a Regency romance.”
“If only. I could be the pale, lanky interesting heroine, gazing out across her estate, wondering if one day she’d have a gentleman caller that day.”
“You’d be sneaking into your neighbours’ houses, snooping out the gossip. No chance of you being a damsel in distress.” I sighed, trying not to cringe at the sudden memory of how awkward I’d been when I’d said goodbye to Cassian.
He’d been so kind, telling me to call if I was worried about anything and asking if there was anything school could do, pretending he was oblivious to my stuttering awkwardness.
“You’d be the woman who scandalises society by taking over a legal firm full of men and showing them exactly how business should be run.”
I grinned, confident I’d steered conversation in another direction.
“Do you want to ask him out?’
Clearly I was wrong.
“He’s the first man I’ve met for a long time that makes me think my lady parts aren’t solely responsive to fictional characters, but no. I don’t want to ask him out for the reasons I’ve said already. And I don’t think he’s going to ask me outany time soon. There’s probably some law about head teachers having anything to do with parents apart from school business.”
“You could ask him to school you.”
“Olivia!”
She didn’t respond, standing up and sending cushions flying everywhere. “Did you hear that?”
“No because I don’t have ears like a bat.” But my heart was now booming in my ears and if I’d felt exhausted before, I was now wide awake and overly alert.
“I’m going to go out and check the perimeter. It’s probably nothing so don’t panic.” She picked up her phone from the table and the baton she carried while on duty.
“You look like you’re about to take a hostage.”
“Be prepared. That’s my motto.”
“I thought it was just one more shot?”
“Exactly. Keep your phone in your hand. Back in five.”
She was actually back in ten, slightly damp because it’d started raining while she was outside. In Liv’s hand was a plastic bag with the packaging for a disposable vape inside, and on her face was an irritated grimace.
“Was there someone there?” I’d convinced myself she’d been hearing things.
“Looks like it. Recently too – this wasn’t there before when I checked the perimeter. I’ll get someone on duty to come and pick it up.” She headed back into the kitchen and I heard her on the phone, passing on information and concerns.
Joel had been much better than me about not worrying about stuff, unless he was worrying about me and then Heidi for those short few months before he died. I could get into a tizz about most things, if I overthought them. He knew exactly what to say to bring me back to being level again and I’d loved him for that.
