“That must’ve been a shock,” my brother chuckled. “The irresistible Gulliver Holland finally being resisted.”
“Yeah, well, she was right. It was the novelty of a woman not being interested and I know that sounds really up my own arse, but it didn’t happen that often and I didn’t like her like that and she knew it. I was just fascinated. She got how I wrote, she understood the process and she didn’t try to change anything about me. And she was gorgeous.” I remembered how she’d looked here, stood on the rock where we were now seated, looking out to the sea with the wind tugging her hair behind her, her laughter filling the cove.
“Easy done. Now you’re gone on her sister.”
I nodded. “And I can’t explain it apart from the obvious. She’s beautiful, she’s creative and intelligent, she makes me smile.”
“Since when did you feel like that about her?”
“Since New Orleans. We slept together on our last night there. Everything changed afterwards. Something clicked in place and the world looked different the following day, it felt different. The colours were brighter, music was clearer. The only problem was she never mentioned what’d happened and she started seeing someone else, so I got the vibe that she wasn’t interested and she wanted to forget we’d spent that nighttogether, or just leave it there as a fun memory.” I swallowed, remembering the months afterwards.
Not just the months either, the years.
Roe nodded, stretching his legs out in front of him. “So neither of you talked about it?”
“We acknowledged it happened, said we didn’t regret it and moved on from there. Or she moved on. I didn’t.” I remembered the dates and the semi relationships afterwards, the women I wanted to feel more for than just attraction and a few good nights together.
“How do you know she didn’t? Remember Freya? We were both oblivious to the fact we liked each other and wanted more. I even thought she liked you.” Roe shook his head and shot me a glare.
I shrugged. “I had to find a way to get you to see the obvious. Freya liked you once she realised you weren’t a complete tool. And you were so far gone for her, you just didn’t know what to do which was fucking typical. You never had any game.”
“I didn’t need it. You had enough for both of us. What are you going to do about the woman who’s having your baby, who will be my niece or nephew.” His grin was full and beaming. “I’ve made up for you, actually.”
“Thanks. I thought you’d reckon I was insane for agreeing to help ‘Ris out.” I shrugged again. “I thought I was insane, to be honest.”
“You don’t now?”
“Fuck, no. It’d be a bit late anyway.” I studied my twin. “I’m really fucking excited, but I’m scared shitless that something will go wrong.”
“You can’t think like that. You have the first twelve weeks to get through – so another nine or ten, and then you’re in the second trimester. That’s the big first milestone. Once you’re at that point, you can breathe. Just wait until the baby’s born, thenyou’ll know what fear’s like.” He shook his head at me. “Actually, you probably won’t. You’ve already won the legendary uncle of the year award for all the babysitting you’ve done with Calla and the evil E’s.”
“You can’t call Elias and Elsie evil.”
Roe laughed. “I can and they are. They’re going to make Finn have a head full of grey hair before they’re both five. You’re great with kids and you’ll be a fucking good dad.”
“Thanks.” I rubbed my hand against my head again. “I just want to be more than that for Iris.”
Roe was quiet for a moment, thinking.
I left him to it, watching the sea ebb and flow, the clouds moving quickly across the sky.
“Is there a reason why you don’t think she feels the same as you?” Roe eventually said. “Has she said or done anything to put you in the friend zone?”
I thought for a second, remembering the morning when she’d peed on a stick and changed our lives forever. “No, I guess not. We’ve never had the ‘we’re just friends’ conversation. We kissed on Saturday, when the test came up positive and we’re touchy with each other.”
Roe nodded. “Remember, you’re a hugger and you’re touchy anyway. So she knows you’re attracted to her?”
“I don’t think she has any doubt about that.” I remembered those sweatpants and the lack of secrecy they’d given. It hadn’t been the last time either. “But I can’t just tell her I want more – she’ll think it’s just a pregnancy thing and it isn’t.”
Roe stood up, stretching more. “Show her it’s okay to fall in love with you. Let it be her who makes that decision.”
“How do I do that?”
He shook his head. “I’m not the ideas person. But the person I’d ask would be my wife. Andshewon’t say anything.”
“Meaning our sister-in-law would?” I grinned. We both loved Ruby but she was the next generation of Puffin Bay gossips.
“If you want Iris to know how you feel without telling her, let Ruby know. Seriously, speak to Freya when you’re ready. My advice, for what it’s worth, be you. You and Iris have been friends for years – you have a lot of foundations together so don’t do anything that’s not you.”
