The next few days felt like I was living a different life. Iris took seven pregnancy tests in total. We spoke to the clinic and made an appointment with the doctor here, Grayson, who was alsothe husband of one of my friends, Clover. We dodged everyone. Keeping away from Puffin Bay and the inn and my brothers. I just sent a message letting them know that all was well and they had the sense to leave us be, although I was more than confident Roe knew what the test result was.
It was easy and hard and amazing and frustrating all at the same time. Iris and I had clicked from the moment we first properly met each other, or rather, after the first letter she’d sent. Being with her had always felt natural, like it was just meant to be. Our silences didn’t need to be filled, we were never stuck for anything to talk about. I laughed easily with her and she relaxed with me. She’d been my best friend for years and probably one of the people I loved most in the world along with my mam, my brothers and my nieces and nephews.
As well as our baby that was growing inside her.
I didn’t try to keep my hands off her, but I was careful where I placed them. Standing behind her now was my usual spot when we were looking at the sea or out of the window or just standing near each other, because my hands went to her stomach, gently touching. I’d checked she was okay with it, then checked again and again, until she’d laughed and started putting my hands there anyway. When we were sitting on the sofa together, she started to curl up closer to me, wrapping me around her as if I was a blanket, and again putting her hands on her stomach.
And all the time I wanted more. The itch I’d had since New Orleans and Mardi Gras that I’d never managed to get rid of was now painful.
But it took my twin to put the words out there.
“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”
I’d gone for a run, needing to clear my head and it was the first morning in ages where it hadn’t been pissing down. We’d known for four days that Iris was pregnant, four days during which my head was spinning and my thoughts were all overthe place on a minute by minute basis. Our lives had been irrevocably changed and I was filled simultaneously with fear and wonderment.
As it happened sometimes, my twin was running the same path at the same time. We’d gotten used to those coincidences, or rather we’d never had to get used to them because they’d happened from day one. We’d both want the same food without knowing it, or both sleep badly even if we were in separate rooms or cities. I had a very good idea when my twin lost his virginity and he knew exactly when I’d broken after Ivy died.
Going for a run at the same time to the same place was no great surprise.
Neither were the first words he’d said to me in days.
“Yes. I am.” No point lying to either him or me.
“What are you going to do about it?”
To the point, but then that was Rowan Holland for you.
“No idea.”
“But you’re having a baby together. As planned. She’s living in your house. As planned. You’re sharing the rest of your life. As planned. Are you going to sit there and watch her bring up your child, meet someone else, move out – marry another man?”
“No, but I might push you into the sea at some point.” It was an empty threat. If I did that, our mam would have me hung, drawn and quartered.
“What’s the plan? Actually, let me rephrase that – is she okay? Baby wise and everything?” He slowed to a walk which meant this was going to be a serious conversation.
I owed him that.
“She’s thrilled. She’s well. We have an appointment scheduled at the doctor's tomorrow and then the next step will be the twelve week scan. The odds are the same as someone who’s conceived naturally from now on. When did you know?”I ran my hand through my hair, knocking off the sweat I’d accrued.
“Four days ago. In the morning. I woke up because for some reason Calla let me and Freya have a lie-in, and felt weird and wide awake and I kind of figured it out. You were happy and shitting yourself at the same time.” He shrugged, rubbing his own hair. “Then I didn’t hear from you apart from that you were okay so it all made sense. Are you okay?”
“I’m, yeah. I’m good. Over the moon. Working out how to child proof the garden. Working out how to tell Iris I want more without it sounding like it’s just because she’s having my baby and it would be the right thing to do.” I stopped walking, turning to look out over the sea.
By coincidence, we were at the point on the coastal path that was just above Ivy’s Arch, the same point where Ivy had come off her bike.
Roe put his hand on my back, which was brave because I’d been running at speed and was sweaty.
“Want to head down? Tide’s out.”
I nodded. I hadn’t been here with Iris yet since we’d found out she was pregnant, apart from by boat on that first day, when we’d paused in the Strait to see the arch from a different angle. It had been raining pretty much non-stop, and I hadn’t had to argue with her that trekking down the steep slope would be a slip hazard.
It took Roe and me less than ten minutes to drop down, both of us fit and used to fell running most of the year. We used the gym Finn had installed in one of his outhouses, competing with each other with stupid challenges because we could, and Roe and I had taken up entering fell races, which were definitely designed for the certifiably insane.
The arch was as it usually was at this time of year, slightly weathered but Ivy still wrapped around it. The gate had seenbetter days and the fence had broken in one place, probably this week with some of the winds we’d had. It was nothing that a decent repair job wouldn’t handle.
“I think about Ivy, you know.” Roe climbed on top of the large, smooth rock that we sometimes sat on in summer to play guitar and sing, reminiscent of when we were kids and thought we were a boy band. “She’d be thrilled for you and Iris, you know that, don’t you?”
I nodded. “Sometimes I wonder if she planned it. She knew I thought I liked her and she wasn’t interested at all.”
