“What do you do when your nieces cry? Or Fleur and Thane’s girls?” They had twin daughters who were going to grow up to rule the world, although they’d possibly rule it before they’d grown up.
“I change their nappies, feed them or make them laugh. One of those definitely won’t work on you.” His grin was back.
I shrugged. “You never know what hidden kinks adult women have.”
“Please don’t go there. Why’ve you been crying, Iris?” He glanced at me before looking back out to sea.
It was a still day today. The sky was grey and the sea was grey. Most of the Eryri mountain range was shrouded in mist, making the scene look like something from a romantasy novel. I expected to see a dragon fly over the sea at any time, or a merman pop up on the jetty.
It was that sort of day.
“My hormones are all over the place. I have every feeling you can possibly imagine and I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t want to burden you with those feelings because they’re a lot. And you’re my friend who’s doing me a huge favour. I don’t want you to have to see the messy side.” I knew I had tears again in my eyes and there was no way these were not going to fall.
Gully was silent. The sea lapped at the jetty, waves that should’ve been noisier kissed the wood gently. Light from the lighthouse began.
We were in for a dark evening.
“Why don’t I stay in London until we know?” I wasn’t sure whether I was just filling the silence.
“Categorically no.” His answer was fast and firm.
“Can I ask why?” I forced myself to turn to him.
“Because you’re my friend – my best friend – and even if you weren’t possibly carrying my baby, I’d still want you near right now to look after you - ”
“I can look after myself. I’ve been doing it most of my life, Gully - ”
He nodded, his body turning towards me, his hands coming to rest at the top of my arms.
“I know. But you don’t have to. You can manage fine on your own but you don’t have to and I don’t want you to. If you want to go back to London, I’ll come with you. Fuck, I’ll stay in a hotel if you want space, but I’m not just leaving you to it.”
There was more he wanted to say, I could tell.
“Do you want to go back to London?” His words were quieter.
“No. I like it here. I like the peace and being near the sea. I don’t miss the city. I thought I would, but I don’t.” All of that was true.
“Why do you think you’re burdening me if you’re upset?”
“You didn’t ask for this. You’re helping me out.”
His arm stretched around me, pulling me towards his body in a side hug.
He was warm and smelled good so I moved closer. We’d hugged a lot, especially after the procedure where the team at the clinic had implanted the embryo.
I felt him take a deep breath. “You’re doing me a favour too. I want a baby, Iris, I’m not doing this just for you. I want to be a dad and I’ve been worried for years that I wouldn’t meet someone I could raise a child with. I know you’ve put me on a pedestal because I jerked off and donated some sperm, but you’re the one doing the hard work. I want to be there for you, and that includes if this round isn’t successful.”
I wrapped my arm across his front, shifting as close to him as I could possibly get. “I didn’t realise all of that, I guess.”
He kissed the top of my head. “There’s years of me invested in our relationship – friendship. This isn’t a favour, it’s a choice. A decision. I want you to tell me how you’re feeling, even if there’s nothing I can do about it, I can at least listen.”
I didn’t brush my tears away. But Gully did.
He raised a hand and gently wiped them away with his fingers. “We need to be sociable. We’ve stayed in since we got back from London. If you’re up to it, let's go out.”
“I’m fine and you’re probably right and I need a distraction. I keep planning for all the things that could happen.”
“Trying not to get your hopes up?”
