I laughed because that was too true. “Genny did wonder what the fuck I was doing in there. She followed me in and said I was acting suspiciously.” I grinned because it had been funny. “I told her – I figured you wouldn’t mind.”
“God no. If I’d had my phone on me I could’ve rung her to bring some down,” she said, between mouthfuls of burger. “Why does this taste so good?”
“I think they put catnip in there.” I stuffed half a dozen fries in my mouth, aware that I probably looked feral, but not caring because I wasn’t trying to impress Neva.
“I think that only works on cats.” She obviously wasn’t trying to impress me either, because her table manners were non-existent too.
To be fair, this was how we’d been since day one. Comfortable. Easy.
Maybe that was where I went wrong. I should’ve made more of an effort, created some date nights at mine with a chef or something like that.
“What do you want to watch? Buffy?” I needed to fill the room with something other than my need to talk about what happened. What could happen.
“Yeah, can you cope with season six?” She pulled her blanket over her legs, a movement that brought her closer to me.
“More than season four. You don’t fancy season two?” Two was my favourite. I’d watched the whole show through twice while we were seeing each other, or however it should be called.
“I binged two and three last week. I can do five. I’ll need tissues for the episode when Joyce dies.” Because that got me. I’d felt Buffy’s pain.
“I’m stocked up. I read a book at the weekend where the author killed off this side character called Ivy – Amber had warned me about it and that I’d need tissues.” She reached over and pinched one of my onion rings. “Sorry, but they’re just too good.”
“Help yourself.” I didn’t usually share junk food but I’d found I made an exception for Neva.
She started up season five and I added another log to the fire, nabbing some of her blanket because it was definitely on the colder side. Part of me wanted to relax into the sofa and let everything melt away because I was here again, another part was wary of doing that.
Fucking terrified, maybe.
When Neva told me that she didn’t want to see me anymore I’d hated spending time on my own. Even going out with friends felt painful, especially after games because that was often when Neva and I had ended up together. She’d given me a lift, or the other way round, or we’d snuck off together. There’d even been a couple of away games when I’d spent the night in her room, setting my alarm for some godforsaken hour so I could get back to my bed before anyone noticed.
When it stopped, I’d felt empty. It had taken a long time to get back to feeling like me, and I’d never really managed that. I’d been some different version of myself, changed because of what we’d had.
Even sitting here was risking that again.
Three episodes in and we had hot chocolates and ice cream. Somehow, Neva’s head was against my shoulder and she was resting on me, a hot water bottle on her stomach, while Buffy kicked ass.
I swallowed, certain parts of my body very aware of having a pretty lady cuddled up to me whilst on the same sofa as where we’d previously gotten very lucky.
Nothing had changed. Not for me. I still felt the same.
“Do you still want a bath?” I rested my chin on her head, wanting to press a kiss there but knowing it wasn’t appropriate.
“Hmmm, I do. But I don’t think I can be bothered running it. I had a shower this morning so it’s not like I needneedone.” She relaxed into me a little more.
“I’ll run it for you.” I’d shared a bath with Neva, so I had an idea of how she liked it – scalding hot and full of bubbles. I untangled myself from her huge leopard print blanket.
“It’s okay. Honestly, Jude, thank you but I’m okay. I appreciate you offering to run one though.” She sat up, more alert, as if she’d just woken up. “I don’t expect you to hang around to check I’m okay though. I have this almost every month. I’m pretty used to it.”
I sat back down, waiting to see if she rested back on me or not. I kind of knew what I was doing here.
At least I thought so.
“I’d like to put my offer back on the table.”
She was about to rest back on me when I said the words, pausing as soon as they came out.
“What do you mean?” She twisted round to face me. “The baby offer?”
I nodded. “The baby offer. I’ll help you get pregnant.” I pushed a hand through my hair, almost more nervous than before a cup final. “I know there’s a lot to work out if you say yes. But I think we can work that out – it’s not like an accident through a one-night stand.”
