I love Jude Whitty: @CliffoSalford – you get this is all about how he’s recovering? Arsehole.
TaylorNoHair: @CliffoSalford – you realise that training would fuck up the injury?
CliffoSalford: Just saying, poncing about doing this is avoiding the real work.
Hotbabe20: Are these two together for real? They have chemistry! They’re so hot!
Marianne123: I love her hair. And her skin. If this is what healthy eating does, I need to bin my fast food apps!!!!xxx
I really shouldn’t have lookedat the comments from the live piece Jude and I had done on social media, but the devil got the better of me. There were thousands of them, too many to read through, which was probably a good thing. The media team at the club used technology to scan for any key words that suggested a threat or hate speech and, as I hadn’t had any communication from them, I assumed everything was okay.
What was there was speculation about Jude and me. There were comments about my appearance – most of which were positive. There were one or two mentions of my boobs and how they had to be fake – they were not but this wasn’t something I’d be taking to social media to explain because I didn’t care whether people thought they were fake or not.
Jude knew they weren’t.
Which wasn’t an appropriate thought because it didn’t matter what Jude thought.
Or that was what I was telling myself.
What surprised me most about the comments and the video was how they were right about the chemistry we had. Our conversation – because that was how we’d decided to do it; he interviewed me about how his diet plan compared to mine, and to someone who wasn’t training to compete for anything but wanted to look good – had been easy. We’d bantered, probably flirted, joked, high-fived at the end. All of that had felt good and Ezra had been thrilled with it.
I was too. I was also confused.
My body sang when I was near Jude. I laughed more. I found it easier to smile. He stopped me from being too serious and living inside of my head.
Twenty times yesterday I’d wanted to bring up his offer. The one he’d taken off the table because of me and the doubts that I had about him. I wasn’t sure why those doubts were there.
“Therein lies the madness. Stop looking at those comments.” Amber sat down next to me. “Your live was great. You looked fab, you sounded even better. I heard Ezra saying they’d never had so much interest after something like that before. There’s even an article in one of the papers today about how it raised important questions without pissing on anyone else’s parade.”
I nodded. “We were careful not to bash anything. Groups that support each other with weight loss can be so beneficial. We made sure we made that point – just that you didn’t need to pay a subscription to do it.”
“And you and Jude were very, very hawt too. And I mean ‘hawt’ not just hot.” She fanned herself. “Nate got lucky after I watched you two together.”
“That is wrong on so many levels.” I shook my head at her. “Seriously.”
She looked at me curiously. “He likes you. It was so obvious.”
I didn’t know what to say because I kind of knew that already. “He’s a good guy.” He was. Even after my semi-sulk in the physio department a few weeks ago, he hadn’t been anything other than friendly and professional towards me. He’d stayed away from any potentially difficult conversations, but I’d caught him looking at me in a way that was more than friendly.
I hadn’t hated it.
“You make it sound like I’m thirteen.That boy likes you. Do you want to be his girlfriend?” I shook my head. “I’m not looking for a partner anymore. I just need to aim straight for the goal and get pregnant.”
“Why don’t you take Oliver for a few nights? That might change your mind.” She smiled sweetly. “In fact, have him for a week. Then you’ll definitely be happy being child-free.”
We both knew that wouldn’t be the case but I got her sentiment. “Is he being a little turd?”
“Yep. The terrible twos have started over night. Seriously, over night. Even Nate nearly lost his patience when he was still awake at two this morning and yelling out of his cot.” She rubbed her face and pulled out a smile. “Are you enjoying working with Jude?”
“He’s good fun.” Which was true, plus another obvious statement.
Amber sighed and studied me. “I really wish you’d trust me sometimes. You can tell me if something’s going on. You’ve been really distant since we came back from France and that was months ago now.”
“I just don’t want to give you anything else to be concerned about.” I’d learned to deal with shit myself, that it wasn’t fair to burden someone else with it. That was why I’d avoided relationships; I’d never wanted to have to rely on someone to support me. I wanted to do it myself and be independent.
“I’m more concerned that you won’t tell me. I might not be able to help, but I can at least sympathise. I know you want a baby and it’s not straightforward because you’re not in a relationship – unless there is something going on.” She eyeballed me. “Something’s going on.”
I didn’t usually share shit that had happened. There was no point. And he’d taken the offer off the table.
