“Jude offered to be the father.” It came out anyway.
Amber sat up a little straighter and put her coffee down. “Come again? No, you don’t need to repeat it. I heard you. Jude – our Jude – offered to be the father.”
“He did. When we were in France. I don’t think the offer stands anymore.” Which I was stupidly sad about.
“Okay.” Amber shook her head as if she was trying to connect her brain up. “Was it like a co-parent thing or a sperm donation or what? What was the fine print?”
“We never got that far talking about it. He would’ve wanted to be in the baby’s life. It’s Jude, there would be no way he wouldn’t be involved.” I’d seen him with Toby yesterday, giving him coaching tips before a kids’ game. He’d been patient and fun, not patronising him.
“Did you want to go ahead with it?”
I shook my head. “He’s too young. It would change his life forever.” It would’ve changed everybody’s life. Mine, his, his parents. His future partner’s and any children they might’ve had. I felt sick at the thought.
“Isn’t that his choice to make? I mean, I guess you’d have told him your worries but it should’ve come down to whether you felt you could co-parent with him or not and how it would work. If it would work. But it’s his choice as to whether he’s too young. Some people don’t get a choice – it isn’t planned.” She smiled softly. “I get where you came from though. The guilt I felt when I found out I was pregnant was immense. Nate, his daughters – all of that was just huge.”
“Nate was thrilled.”
Amber shrugged. “I think he chose to be. He said when he told me he knew I was pregnant that it was on him too – it took both of us to make that baby and we did so knowing that there was always a chance of contraception failing.”
“It worked out well though.”
Amber nodded and smiled. “It worked out perfectly. I wouldn’t change anything apart from parts of the pregnancy and the birth. That was traumatic. But when I look at Oliver – especially when he’s sleeping – I forget the trauma.” She shook her head, hair floating round her face, but she was still smiling, which was good.
I chuckled, glad of the lightness she was trying to inject. “Do you think I should’ve taken him up on his offer?”
Amber stilled. “It’s your decision, no one else’s. How would you’ve gone about making this baby? Would he have given a sample, and someone popped it up there, or would you’ve used traditional methods?”
I laughed and looked away, wanting to share with someone what’d happened with Jude. “We never got that far with the conversation.”
Amber raised her eyebrows and took a swig of her coffee again. “I bet he’s all focused in bed and ‘grrrr.” She moved her free hand up like a lion’s claw, which looked absolutely ridiculous.
“Really? Is that what Nate does?Grrrr?” I mimicked her. “I hope for your sake he’s a lot better than that.”
“Oh he is, trust me. I am curious about Jude though – not that I’d go there. Not that he’d go there either. I’ve seen his equipment and it’s not lacking and I think he knows how to use it. When he puts his mind to something he has to be perfect at it.”
I braced myself. “He is. He’s pretty damn good at it.”
Amber almost dropped her coffee.
“What? Fuck. You – you’ve slept with Jude?”
She was also about ten times too loud and we were in the canteen at the training ground, meaning ears were everywhere, or were usually. The only person in there with us was Ezra and they had their earbuds in and were occasionally singing.
“Shhhh. Keep it down.” I shook my head but I couldn’t help but laugh.
“When? Was this on an away game? Was it more than once?”
I saw realisation dawn.
“Hang on, was this when I was pregnant?”
I nodded.
“More than once?”
I nodded again.
“How many times? I need the details. How huge is he? Does hegrrrr?”
