If leaving this evening hadn’t totally cocked everything up.
I slowed to a fast walk, my lungs finally protesting. At some point, when things had settled and I had a routine and schedule that worked, I needed to sign up for some classes again, regain some fitness. Not feel like I had the lungs of a ninety-year-old smoker after less than a kilometre.
My phone vibrated in my bag, a Mulberry Bayswater my sister had treated me to after she’d had a particularly good month at work. Right now, I wanted to lift that bag and belt her across the tummy with it, cursing her job and the colleague that she was currently with as they were having a meltdown.
I got it. The pressures of being a solicitor were sometimes huge, but nothing compared to working in finance and dealing with whatever stocks things Olivia dealt with. Technically, she should’ve burned out by now, but she hadn’t, probably because she was sponsored by gin and a series of very attractive, very muscular younger boyfriends who provided her with an outlet for her stress.
Today, Olivia was the source of my stress and she was going to find out all about it when I got home.
We were renting a house together in Southwark while we both decided what to do on a more permanent basis. Liv had the option of moving over to New York in a few months, but she hadn’t decided yet whether she was going to go or not, and I knew the reason was me. Our mother had finally made the decision to go and live with her new partner in Spain, which was the right choice for her and meant we were in for some decent holidays at some point, but it left me a little short. Liv’s rental agreement on her apartment in Soho had come to an end and I was moving into London, so it made sense for us to house share while she made her mind up.
If I didn’t end up losing my job due to having to leave in the middle of a meeting, I’d probably look to buy somewhere in Southwark, within walking distance of everything I needed.
I fished my phone out of my bag and saw Olivia’s name. I knew she’d be mortified and I also knew that if she could’ve left work when she’d anticipated, she would.
“I’m so sorry, Georgie.” Her words torrented out as soon as I answered. “I couldn’t leave her. Her husband texted her today to say he was leaving her for his mistress, and she messed up on a really big portfolio – I’ve managed to stop a huge loss, but I just…”
I pushed the annoyance and frustration back down into my stomach and took a big breath. I definitely needed to go back to yoga classes, find that inner peace instead of that inner demon.
“It’s okay, Liv, I’m nearly there.” I was, the pretty light-green door that was surrounded by snowdrops like a beacon calling me.
“So am I. I didn’t know how long I’d be and I’m so sorry. Please tell me you had done for the day. Your first day should’ve been easy, right?”
I could hear her heels clicking on the pavement and figured she was running. My sister never ran.
“I was in a meeting with Seph Callaghan.”
“Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Let me send him an email apologising…”
“Don’t.
“Why not? This is my mess.”
I stopped outside the door, my heart rate calming slightly now I was there. “Because he doesn’t know.”
“What?” It was a shriek that most of London probably heard. “They don’t know – what the fuck, Georgia?”
“I’ll talk to you about it later.” I hung up on her, my priority not appeasing my sister right now, and knocked on the door.
I heard giggles and happy noises from behind it before it opened, and when it did I saw Elspeth Smalley, a slim, older woman who wore her grey hair in a tight bun on top of her head and could’ve appeared in a Victorian novel.
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “You didn’t need to rush. Your sister called me and explained and it’s fine. I’m not one of those who adds on charges if you’re late, or who judges.”
I felt my eyes prick with tears, the guilt that I’d been living with for four years battering my chest, and then everything went away when I saw what I’d come for.
“Mummy!”
She was tiny, just like she’d always been, and absolutely perfect. I bent down and small arms wrapped around my neck, legs going straight round my waist. She smelled of talcum powder and children’s paint, her little, strong heart fluttering against my chest.
I kissed the top of her head, the dark brown hair tangled and loose, despite the braid I’d popped it in this morning. Rose hated having her hair tied back and was already stamping her foot – quite literally – at having it cut at all.
“How was today?”
It wasn’t her first day at her new nursery or the first time she’d been looked after by Elspeth; last week had been spent settling her in and she’d had introductory visits the week before that. Really, she’d probably just needed a single day, as my daughter was sociable and confident. It was her mother who’d needed to see her settled and happy, and safe.
“Very good. I painted at nursery and Els made Addy and me a snack and fruit and we did crafts at the table.” She turned around in my arms to point towards the child minder and the other little girl, Adeline, who was the same age and at the same nursery school.
I waved at Addy and gave Elspeth another apologetic smile. “My sister shouldn’t be late tomorrow. This was unusual.”
