He hadn't mentioned anything about us taking it slower since I brought it up with him. He hadn't asked anything about why I wanted to, or tried to persuade me not to; he’d just respected what I said and slowed things down, letting me take the lead. A lesser man, I knew, would have seen his arse and backed away completely.
Seph hadn't. But given what his sister had said, and the fake smile he wore on his face now, I knew I'd hurt him.
“Seph!” Rose flung her arms around him.
He scooped her up, as easily as he normally did, and twisted her round, making her giggle, which was still the best sound in the world. “How's my favourite flower?”
She giggled again; for some reason any comment he made about her name made her laugh. “I'm not a flower! I'm a girl!”
He looked over her head at me as I stood there, staring at them.
“But would a flower by any other name smell as sweet?”
I couldn't help but smile, he'd remembered why I’d called her that, even if he had messed up the quote.
“I don't smell. You smell!” She laughed again, this time a silly laugh, that forewarned that she was getting too giddy too quickly.
Seph put her down, and she ran off, again at the speed of light.
“Grab your homework!” He shouted after her.
“Do you want to stay for dinner?” It felt awkward asking him that after months of it always being assumed that he would.
He paused for a moment, as if it was a really difficult question. “If you're sure it's okay and it won't be too much.”
I felt my eyes prick with tears. I'd started to realise since having that conversation with Payton, that I'd made a stupid decision.
“I'd like you to stay. Although it's only shepherd’s pie, and it's a bit warm for it.” It was almost thirty degrees, only slightly cooler than it would be in Spain when we got there in a couple of days’ time.
His grin was more sincere now, but it was shy, as if someone had just offered him a hand and he wasn't sure if he should take it or not.
“You know I'll eat shepherd’s pie whatever the weather.”
“I know you'll eat most things never mind the weather.”
He gave me a nod. “True.”
For the nexthour he sat at the table with Rose, going through her maths homework, reminding her of what she had learned the week before, then listening to her read. She was learning to tell the time on top of everything else, so he took a clock off the wall, the really simple one I’d bought to help her, and started to test her, rewarding her with silly faces and jokes and daft comments when she got it right.
I cooked, listening in to the two of them when they weren't whispering, trying to hear what they were saying when they were. I heard Rose giggle a couple of times, and then caught her staring at me, so I knew he was saying something to her. I was desperate to know what.
“Seph's going to be in France when we’re in Spain, Mummy,” Rose said, when she polished off her miniscule portion. “He showed me in the atlas where we'll both be.” The atlas was Rose's latest obsession, that and Google Earth. We'd already tracked the flight from London across to Spain, and found her grandma’s house and plotted out our trek to the beach that we’d definitely be taking each day.
I waited to hear her ask if we could see Seph while we were both away, my brain whirring around trying to find a reason why we couldn't that she would understand and so would he, but I couldn't find one.
“What can you tell me about Spain?” I asked her, changing the subject away from Seph. This started her off nicely, reciting all the things that she had managed to find out about where Grandma now lived.
Seph caught my eye and grinned, knowing that neither of us were properly listening. We just enjoyed the happy noise of her talking, using it as chance to eat without having to answer one of my daughter’s never-ending questions.
“Have you done all your homework?” I knew she would have. Her school didn't give too much, and she probably would have liked more.
“Yes, Mummy. Can I go and play?”
I wasn't sure if I wanted her to leave or not, because if she did, I’d be on my own with Seph in my house for the first time since I told him I wanted to slow things down.
I was nervous, and Rose was a good distraction from that.
“Sure. You've got half an hour before bath time.”
