I guided his head down to mine and kissed him. A sweet kiss, trying to convey what I could while we were in public.
“I don’t want to split up. The opposite. I’d like to set a date for our wedding. I was worried you were getting bored of me.” It was easy to say now he’d started the conversation. “I should’ve said something, but I felt like I was being immature, demanding your attention when you had so much going on.”
“Ava, no one has a road map for a relationship. Even if someone’s had experience of one with someone else, no two people are the same. I wouldn’t have thought you were being demanding. You don’t demand enough from me as it is.” He wiped away my tears with his thumb. “Yes to getting married. I’ve done waiting.”
It was all I could do to nod. I was filled with tears and hope and I just wanted to be alone – inside – with him where we could take our time and talk. Time.
“Our apple pies are getting cold.”
He laughed and reached for the bag that was on the bench next to me, pulling out the two pies and handing me one.
“I told Max I was worried about us.”
I almost choked on my pie. “Oh fuck. What did he say?”
“He told me to talk to you and that if I didn’t we were pretty much fucked.” Eli gave a grin that looked more relaxed now. “I don’t think he knew what else to say.”
“He was right. Let’s go back and talk. We’ve got about four months to catch up on.”
There was a time when I wasn’t sure I could be what Eli needed. He was older than me, and I figured he would want to settle down, start a family, and I wasn’t ready for that. My business was thriving, I was loving making my name without being known as the Callaghans’ little sister and my affairs with men were casual and centred on just scratching an itch.
Eli became the person I didn’t know I needed.
He was there, quietly behind me, supporting, praising, fucking. Loving. When I lost my spark and independence after an assault, I pushed him away, not thinking he’d still want me if I was broken.
That was what I told him now. I didn’t know if I could be needy, because that wasn’t the woman he told he loved that first time.
The bed was big, a super king. Last night we’d slept at different ends of it, me pretending to be asleep, him trying not to disturb me. Now we took up only the middle, my head on his chest, leg draped over his. One of his hands played with my hair, the other rested on my waist.
“Would you think I sounded needy if I told you that I want you to need my time and attention?” He was quiet when he spoke.
We’d managed to sneak in unnoticed, no mean feat when it was Christmas Eve and pretty much everyone I’d ever been slightly related to seemed to be here.
“No. That just makes me feel wanted.”
“Because you are. Work has been shit and the stuff with my sister has been just as bad. I should’ve told you more what was going on, but I didn’t want you to worry when there wasn’t anything you could do.”
“It’s not about fixing things. I could’ve listened and talked to you about it, or just understood. I felt you were shutting me out, but I didn’t want to demand anything of you because it shouldn’t have been about me, it was about her.” I leaned up, shifting so I was on my side and looking at him. “I wasn’t jealous, but I did feel left out.”
As soon as the words were out they lifted the heavy clouds that had been muddying my head for so many weeks.
“I didn’t want you to have to be interested. It’s not pleasant what she’s going through, and if I’m honest, Ava, I thought it might – it might put you off me.”
“Why would it do that? You know how batshit crazy my family are. Yeah, fair enough, no one’s had issues to the same extent recently, but you know about Max’s mum and what happened. Mental health’s nothing to be ashamed of or try to shield someone from, it’s a fact of life.” I pressed my hand to his abs and then trailed a finger higher up. “Let’s not do a post-mortem on what we didn’t do and should’ve. Let’s just start now with what we know we need to do so neither of us feels like this again.”
He trapped my hand above his heart. I felt it beating, slow, rhythmic, solid.
“I love you, Ava Callaghan. Happy Christmas.”
I giggled, couldn’t take my eyes off him, even now after the time we’d been together.
“I love you, Elijah Ward.”
It took him two seconds to flip me onto my back, looming over me, strong and with that look on his face that told me exactly what he wanted to do to me.
Wetness started to gather between my legs, even though he hadn’t even touched me yet, my body anticipating, needing, what his eyes were promising.
“Ava!” My name wasn’t said by Eli. “Mum wants everyone downstairs for dinner.” Seph’s voice had never been so unwelcome in my whole entire life.
