She was a friend. Maybe my only friend from childhood. Now I was left with associates because being a princess was a world and a half away from being heir to a crown you never prepared yourself for.
Muscle memory helps me to get ready for the ride. It reminds me how to get on my horse without thinking and before I’m aware we’re two miles away and following a track through the pines, the scent cleaning my head and adding some kind of clarity.
For the first time in months I want to cry and it only takes the call of a lone bird to call the tears. My brother is dead and my father is dying. I’m in love with two men and don’t know if I can trust either of them, and don’t know where one of them is. My oldest friend isn’t someone I can’t trust anymore and I’m lost on a boat in the middle of the loch without any way to steer it.
I wipe the tears away with the back of a hand that probably isn’t clean enough and push away the self-pity that’s mounted like manure in the stable.
My father taught me to be more than this. I am more than the sum of what I don’t have or what I think I don’t have.
My chin tips up and I feel the bite in my jaw that my father said showed I was stubborn. I don’t know if Ben is coming back. I don’t know if he’s alive, if he’s betrayed my trust although my gut tells me he hasn’t and that he’ll be back.
I don’t know if Isaac is what he says. His omittance that he’s the Prime Minister’s brother lingers and I’m a fool, maybe, but I trust him.
I dismount, thinking of them both. Wishing they were here. Wishing we were all somewhere else. Wishing Lennox had taken the advice of Micky and his own security and never given that damn speech.
If wishes were horses…
But they’re not. And I’m here. With decisions to make.
Chapter Eight
Isaac
The room we’re in isn’t the usual one I’m in when I stay at the castle. It’s Tuesday, Maighread’s birthday, and I wasn’t supposed to be here. I’m spending most of my life on a motorway between England and Scotland and I see more of the inside of my car or the inside of a plane than anywhere else, to the extent where William could rightfully ask if I’m serious about my job.
I should be in the place where I’m up for the constituency, the area I’m possibly going to represent as a Member of Parliament after the by-election on Thursday, but instead I’m in a room with Blair that I’ve never been in before, the bed a foreign one, the room filled with furniture that looks antique and intricate with its carvings.
Tonight I met her mother as something other than a delegate or the grandson of an old friend and it felt different, as if something had settled.
Blair’s at the window, looking over the maze that’s cast in shadows. She’s untied her hair and I’m watching her brush it, it’s texture silken and soft. I’m trying not to imagine it tangled around my hand, a hand that killed someone just a week ago.
The door opens without a knock and I’m on my feet, grabbing the gun I keep close by, but it’s Franklyn, her butler amongst other things. He closes the door, slow enough to make a ceremony out of it, and looks at Blair’s back.
“I need to tell you something.”
She turns around, the hand containing the brush dropping to her waist.
“What is it?”
He looks at me and then back at her.
“Isaac can stay.”
It’s if she’s made her mind up about something in the last few days. There had been a distance between us beforehand, but that’s now closed and she’s telling me more and I’m not sure if that’s a dangerous thing.
“As you wish.”
Franklyn doesn’t want me there.
“I’ve heard something tonight that I thought you should hear – be aware of.” He’s speaking clearly, quietly, as if he’s about to give bad news, which I think he is.
“What’ve you heard?” She takes a step closer to me. “Is it my father?”
“No. It’s Mr Smith. I know Micky’s received intelligence to say that he’s dead, If it’s true, I’m sorry. I know you were close to him.” Franklyn’s face is a mask.
She sits down on the bed, placing the hairbrush down gently. “Why isn’t Micky telling me this?”
“He’s caught up dealing with the information. I wasn’t sure if to tell you or not, but I didn’t want you to be one of the last to find out or to find out by accident, so to speak.” He moves closer to her and places a hand on her shoulder.
