The inscription was simple,the grave neat and tidy. A fresh toy sat beside it, a cuddly giraffe. His sister’s grave had the same.
I sat down on the grass next to Calen’s, not caring about the damp from the ground.
For minutes, longer maybe, I thought about the little boy who had graced my classroom, steering my mind away from his ending. Instead, I focused on his goodness; his laugh; his carefree nature and curiosity.
We lose a lot when we step into adulthood. We gain a lot too, but it would serve us better if we could recall what it was like to enjoy a life that was free from complications.
The breath of the breeze on our faces, the rush of learning something new, the beauty in someone else’s smile.
They didn’t have that. But I did, and I didn’t want to miss enjoying those things we could often forget.
It was raining when I stood up, my hair wet, coat absorbing too much moisture. I headed across the graveyard, seeing a burial taking place in the distance.
I longed for the sea. That rhythm, that endless current, reminding me that it all still carried on.
And I longed for Gabe.
* * *
Dearest Marcy,
I took a trip to a lake in the mountains today and stood by the water. It made me think of you and how you loved to be by the sea, watching the waves. The waves on the lake weren’t quite so dramatic. Instead, they were slighter, stiller, but hiding depths. And they were beautiful.
They reminded me of you.
I’m planning to set up base on the coast not far from Llandudno. I’ve found a house there that I can use as my office and my father has agreed that it’s suitable in terms of the business. He’s agreed that I should avoid the island until speculation has moved on to something else.
But I can’t move on from you.
Surprisingly, my father understands. He was sad about the accident, like we all were, but he has commented on how I seem more relaxed, especially now we are coming up to a year since her death.
I feel like grief does not have to be inextricably linked with love: you are allowed to have and experience both.
I’m not sure how we go about the rest of this, Marcy. There is no such protocol for these situations. But is it possible we can have some sort of future?
Yours,forever,
Don
* * *
My Dearest Don,
It wassplendid to see you in Llandudno and spend time together without anyone around us to speculate. The house there seems ideal as a base for you. It’s easy for me to get there also, especially since I now have a car to drive!
I’m still surprised at how easy it is between us, how we can talk about the news and play chess, just as we always have.
It’s also a relief to now be able to touch you. I still have moments of guilt because it’s only a reality because of the awful reality that happened, but neither of us were to blame; nor was Julia. I feel so sad, so very sad, but I have moments of lightness because I have the times when we are together and we can be together.
I can leave the island. I don’t know how my family will react, whether they will speak to me or give me their blessing, but it is of no consequence.
Some things are worth the risk. You’re one of them.
Forever yours,
Marcy
Anya
