“If you think he’s looking at you like he is right now because you are ‘just’ the mother of his child, your baby brain has started early. Where are you going to live? You’ll be getting your insurance through soon won’t you?”
She heard the sounds of a guitar, Scott warming up. He was on first tonight, saying he wanted to sit with her for the rest of the set. She knew he was wanting to make a public statement about them being together, and that was nice and sweet and better than him flirting with Blondie and Goldilocks who had returned to the bar, casting a few lustful looks Scott’s way.
“I was thinking about moving anyway. I want somewhere with a garden, that’s a little out of town. I’ll start having a look this week after work.”
“With Scott?”
Keren gave a very small shrug of her shoulders. “I don’t know. He’s happy here and I’m not sure if it’s too soon to give up my independence. I won’t be moving to Manchester or applying for that job now. That’s for sure. I might need to keep something that is just mine. And I’ve lived on my own for so long.”
“Key, I say this with love: he’s not going to be happy about that. He will want to be there all the time to look after you and your baby. He won’t want to miss out on first words and bath times and first steps. And he’s not a man to let anyone do things the hard way when he can help. And trust me, I may not have kids but I see Jonny with his three and I saw Jonny with Sadie Grace when she was a newborn and fuck me, it’s a good thing they’re cute.” Rayah sat back and folded her arms.
“It’s a good thing Sadie Grace is still cute, to be honest.” Keren shook her head. “Or maybe not because she knows exactly how to work it to get out of trouble.”
“Not with me she doesn’t. I invented every one of her moves. I understand that this is a huge shift and doesn’t fit with your nice little time line of meet man, date for six months, move in, get engaged, spend one year planning wedding, get married, have first anniversary, get pregnant, but that’s okay.” Rayah took a long deep breath and exhaled noisily. “You need to talk to him honestly. And I still can’t believe my cousin knocked you up.”
“You have such a lovely turn of phrase.”
Alex and Zack turned up, with Stevie and Lena shortly behind them. The bar became noisier as more people headed in to hear Scott play and when his gravelly voice began, Keren felt tears prick her eyes.
He sang classics: Tears in Heaven; a slow version of Be My Baby; Thin Lizzy’s Sarah. And his eyes would hold hers as he sang, his smile almost interfering with his singing.
“Just tell him you love him.” Rayah managed to keep her words to a low whisper. “Because it’s written all over your face right now.”
Keren didn’t respond. One hand was pressed to her stomach, under the table so no one would guess. Her eyes were glued on Scott and she just wanted the rest of the people to melt away and it just be them.
She was falling for him. Maybe it was because her hormones were influencing her; she was having his baby, that had to account for some of it. Or maybe it was because he was still the person she thought he had been.
Two guys from Astley followed him on the stage next, both with guitars and beards and tattoos. Keren had heard them before, a few months ago, and they’d brought quite a following with them. It was folk rock, the sort of music she figured their baby would be hearing a lot of before and after it was born.
Scott came to sit with her as soon as he’d put his guitar away, bringing her a glass of chocolate soya milk which she’d developed an overly strong liking for. He put his arm around her and pulled her into him, causing Rayah to roll her eyes dramatically, reminding Keren of what she’d been like when she was twelve.
“These two are good. They have a group I’m thinking of booking in a couple of weekends.” Scott was warm and firm next to her. She rested her head against him breathing in his musky scent.
“I like them. And they bring in a crowd. Good for profits.” She needed to forward plan about covering her maternity leave and start advertising for a second full-time dentist. There was currently no space to take on any more patients, which meant some Severton residents had to travel further afield to see the dentist. She also wanted to develop her practice in schools and do more with working with harder to reach groups of society. An extra dentist would allow this.
“I figure I’ll need more profits. Have you seen the cost of prams? How can something for someone so small cost so much?” His words were quiet so no one else could overhear.
“And we need cots and car seats and a Moses basket. And one of those bottle things to sterilise. We should make a list at some point.”
“But we’re going to need to find a house first.” He kissed the top her head. “I love living here and it’s been ideal, but I want our baby to have a swing in a garden and a dog.”
“Let’s talk about where we’re living some other time.” She didn’t want this conversation now because she had to understand what she wanted and know it was the right path for her to take, only now it wasn’t just about her. It was about the three of them.
“Sure. I’m just glad that I get to take you home tonight.”
She leaned in a little more and simply let herself enjoy being there, rather than worrying and wondering about everything that was going on, or needed to happen. She just simply was.
19
Severton in late spring was always filled with colour. Alliums and lavender filled the grassy spaces, their yellow heads bobbing in the breeze. Hydrangeas popped up in tubs around the town and other flowers that she couldn’t name, not being that way inclined. But they were pretty to look at.
It was nearly three weeks since the fire, and only a couple of weeks away from them making it public knowledge that they were expecting a baby, although Keren had figured that some people had already worked it out. Gran had eyed her knowingly, making a few telling glances at her stomach, especially after she’d refused a sample of gin for the second time, although the first had been at ten in the morning. She suspected Stevie had guessed too, possibly recognising the same symptoms she’d experienced herself, but aside from Scott’s brothers, dad and Rayah, no one else had been told.
Including Jake.
He and Scott hadn’t spoken since Gran’s tour of the distillery, before the fire. She’d tried to speak to Scott about it, but he’d simply shook his head and said he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to talk about Jake.
Keren sat down on a bench near Riverside Park. It was lunchtime and she was making a concerted effort to go out and get some fresh air and sunlight when she could, wanting the vitamin D. The last two weeks had been steady; no big decisions had been made and the main conversations between her and Scott had been around the baby and her morning sickness, which had become all day sickness at one point. Scott had taken to reading books on parenting and pregnancy, as she’d discovered when she’d caught sight of his tablet one night.
