He was attentive and respectful, without losing the banter that had always been there between them. They still exchanged words, although the heat was what came afterwards rather than with the insults.
She took out her phone and glanced through the pictures. Scott had figured out her pin to unlock it and had been taking selfies for her to find. One was a picture of the palm of his hand with a heart drawn on it, something she’d have expected a teenager to do. But maybe he was just catching up with what they should’ve been doing years before.
“Anything interesting?”
She jumped at the voice and then smiled, feeling slightly awkward. She hadn’t seen Jake much in the last few weeks, mainly because it was lambing season on the farm and therefore busy. But also because she’d tried to avoid him, not really knowing what to say.
“Just your cousin being a goofball.” She put her phone away, knowing there were one or two pictures she didn’t want anyone seeing.
Jake sat down next to her. “How is Scott?”
She let the silence speak.
“He’s never not spoken to me for this long. When I’ve been with Zack and Alex, Scott’s not been there. Even at the farm. He’s been helping, but purposely keeping away from what I’m doing.” Jake sounded quiet, his words lacking the bounce they usually had.
“I take it you want to talk?”
He nodded. “That’s the problem. I want to talk. Scott doesn’t. I did something shitty and I get that Scott’s pissed about it. I get why. But I don’t want something that happened over a decade ago to affect our family now.”
Keren felt a stab of sadness. The Maynards were close. Although Jake and Scott were cousins, they’d been around each other as much as brothers would. The four of them, plus Rayah when she’d been big enough, to keep up had been inseparable. And now she was the reason they weren’t how they should be. Unintentionally.
“Why did you make up that I said I wouldn’t date Scott?” She needed to hear it for herself, to iron out what she thought was really bothering Scott.
“Because I liked you and Rayah told me that you didn’t see me that way.”
“Jake, you had been out with half the school. You took the virginities of two of my friends and you were my best friend’s brother. You were the closest thing I had to a brother of my own.”
He looked away from her. “I didn’t see you as my sister.”
“Maybe so. But maybe because I was the one girl you couldn’t have, that was why you wanted me.” She had never been the type of girl Jake went for. He had been captivated by blondes; in fact, she didn’t remember him ever having gone out on more than one date with anyone who wasn’t blonde.
“I don’t know. Maybe. But I was jealous that there was a possibility that you’d have gone out with Scott.”
“You didn’t know I liked him.”
Jake laughed. “Give over, Key. I’d seen the way you looked at him for the past two years whenever he came home from university and you’d changed how you were around him. When he was in the room you didn’t notice anyone else.”
She smiled. “I didn’t know that was how I acted. I looked forward to him coming home and I wanted to be with him when he was back. But we were close as kids.”
“I guess so. And I worried that if you went out with him, you’d end up getting hurt. I knew he had groupies in Manchester from the gigs he played and, well, it was a bit of both. Envy and wanting to stop you from being upset if he fucked up.” Jake tucked his hands in the pocket of his gilet.
Keren stared at the peaks in front of them, the river separating them from the path that lead gradually to the summit of Lose Hill. Jake was the only Maynard who didn’t know the news and she didn’t want this baby to be what divided the family.
“How do you feel about me and Scott being together now?”
“I’m really happy for you both.” He didn’t have to think about it, such was the rapidity of his response. “The way you look at each other. It kind of makes me wish I had that.”
“Really? You don’t find it weird after we’ve spent so many years arguing?”
“You would sometimes look at each other like that when you didn’t think anyone else was looking. Scott didn’t take his eyes off you.” He paused. “Don’t get me wrong, Key. I didn’t think it was my fault you didn’t get on. I thought Scott was a dick for not having it out with you about what I told him you said. And I thought, in all honestly, that he just wanted a hook up. I didn’t think he was serious.”
She didn’t think Scott was a hook up kind of guy, even back then, but given how he looked and that he was a musician he’d have likely filled his boots with the women who hung around for him when he’d finished a set or a gig.
“So you don’t have feelings for me anymore?” It felt like a weird question to ask and she wasn’t sure what the answer would be.
Jake didn’t look at her. “Honestly? I didn’t think I had, but it’s weird seeing you with Scott. I want you both to be happy and I feel bad for what I said back then, but realistically, would a relationship when you were eighteen and about to start a five-year dentistry degree have lasted? Probably not. So maybe I did you a favour.”
She didn’t respond, instead taking his hand in hers and squeezing it. She’d never considered Jake in the same way as Scott, or even close to it. Even as adults, he’d been one of her close friends and she’d watched him have a steady stream of girlfriends and one night stands and never had she imagined herself in the place of one of them. But then, for years she’d never thought of her and Scott being together, only that he’d frustrated her more than any man and he’d become more gorgeous as he’d grown older.
