“Thank you littlest,” she said, pressing down hard as she returned it and then pinching my skin. “You’re a shit and we’re going to have words tomorrow.”
“I know. I’m trying to think of how to defend myself,” I said, seeing Eli over her shoulder. He was talking to Max, making some joke, probably about how he’d handed over his balls along with the ring.
“And Eli.” Payton turned her head, knowing who I was watching. “Although, to be fair, I can see exactly why. How big’s his cock?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “You want to go there? You work with him. And your boyfriend is standing two feet away.”
Owen was close by, but he had been commandeered by my mother, so there was no chance of him hearing what we were talking about.
Payton narrowed her eyes and dropped her smile. “We’ll talk tomorrow about this,” she said. “And not just about the size of his penis. Meet me for coffee. Or shall I come round to wherever you’re living?”
I hadn’t made my change of address known if I could help it. Only a handful of people were aware I was living at Eli’s. “Amelie’s,” I said, mentioning the café-bar run by our family friend. It was neutral territory.
“Twelve-thirty,” Payton said. “Unless you’re spending the day in bed with lover-boy?”
“He’s got rugby. With your boyfriend, as it happens. How is it going with Owen?”
Her expression softened. “Good. Thank you for helping get me here last night. You and Claire were right – I’d have over-thought what to say to him so much I wouldn’t have agreed to see him.”
“It’s fine,” I said. “We saw how unhappy you were when you weren’t with him.”
She nodded. “How about Eli? Does he make you happy?”
“Tomorrow.” I could put it off for another few hours. “Let’s talk tomorrow.”
When tomorrow became today, the sky was bluer than a pair of sailor’s trousers and the air as still as a dead spider. Eli had left his bed early to have breakfast with Owen, Max and a very hungover Seph. I stretched out in bed, taking over his side and mulled over the conversation I was going to have with my sister, potentially both sisters. The sheets smelled of Eli; the body wash he used and his cologne mingled together on the cotton and I smothered myself in the scent. After the twins’ birthday party, we’d gone straight home, passing up on the bars that Seph and Callum were going to and turning down Max’s invitation for drinks at his and Victoria’s.
Eli had sensed that I was off-centre and had said little, asking nothing. Instead, he’d made us tea and produced a stash of chocolate and we’d sat on the sofa, me with my back against his chest and his arms wrapped around me and watched Titanic.
We’d gone to bed and slept with him holding me and I’d woken early, finding his hands gently securing me still, his breath soft and rhythmic and I wondered at that point how it was going to be when I moved out and we weren’t sharing each other’s space like we were now.
I was currently in a foreign country with a man I wasn’t sure how to end things with and a sister I had kept things from for the first time.
Dragging myself out of bed and going for a run seemed like the obvious solution. I didn’t need to go to the gym every day like my brothers as my work was often physical – wallpapering was good for the arms and the lifting and carrying and holding from working of the priory meant I could eat and drink pretty much what I wanted without worrying. But running had always been the best way to clear the cobwebs from my mind. I set off, upping my pace as I approached the banks of the river. It was still early enough to not be packed with tourists and this stretch, away from the Globe and towards Greenwich, didn’t tend to be packed as most people were heading to Borough Market and the Tate Modern, preferring to take the clipper on the river to Greenwich itself. The tide was low and there were people mudlarking, hunting for relics where the water had vacated. Sometimes I would stop and see what they had found but today the pounding of the pavement and the air hissing in and out of my lungs was more needed. My muscles ached and I breathed through a stitch, resolving to try to run at least twice a week and regain the stamina I’d lost recently. I thought about Jon and how he’d irritated me with his demands, and the priory with its secrets that I was still yet to fully understand. I thought of my niece and another niece or nephew in a few months and I thought of Eli. So much about Eli.
I managed eleven miles before I slowed my pace as I reached Eli’s apartments and saw a familiar figure standing outside, playing on her phone.
“I thought I was meeting you at Amelie’s,” I said, gasping out the words.
Payton looked me up and down and shook her head. “You were, but I was bored.”
“How did you know where to find me?” I said, my heart still thudding in my throat. “Hold that thought, I need water.”
“And a shower.” She wrinkled her nose. “You’re sweaty.”
“Because I just ran a lot.”
Payton shrugged, following me into the building. “How’ve you managed to cram all your stuff into Eli’s apartment?”
“You’ve been here before?” For some reason I didn’t like the thought of Payton having been here with Eli. “Why?”
“Work. We do work together. And up until now we’ve gotten along really well.”
I opened the door into his apartment and debated what to do first: rant at her, explain or have a shower. I opted for the shower.
“Seeing that you’ve been here before, you’ll know how to use the coffee machine,” I said and headed to the bathroom.
I didn’t rush, taking a shower that was ten minutes too long and then drying my hair properly, all the time running through imaginary conversations in my head between myself and Payton.
