“I don’t know,” Eli said. “She might be here to tell you never to speak to her son again because you’ve broken his heart. You’ll just have to go, eat and listen.”
Eli had spent most of the past ten days ignoring my moods and purely talking to me about work, which had been helpful, but clearly he was now getting annoyed with the wallowing in self-pity. This was hardly surprising given I was now at Olympic standard. “Do you think him forgetting to tell me he was married is a justifiable reason to end our…” I couldn’t say the word relationship. We’d never labelled it and I didn’t know quite what to call it.
“You want my opinion or a breakdown of pros and cons?” Eli said, taking a seat.
“Opinion, please.”
He raised his brow as if to ask if I was sure. “You’ve dated some absolute penises since I’ve known you and I know the couple of guys you saw seriously were deadbeats according to your brothers.” He paused, watching my reaction. “Everyone has a past, Payts. Whether that’s an ex, an ex-wife or kids or really shitty parents, we all have one and that’s what makes us who we are. Owen forgot to tell you because he was married for two point four seconds and then it was annulled—it didn’t even need a divorce. He’s not a penis and he’s not a deadbeat. If you let this one thing he forgot stop you from giving him another chance then you’re a fool. If something else comes out that he’s not told you, then that’s different. You re-evaluate it then. That’s my opinion. Do with it what you wish.” He stood up and pulled the file from under me. “I’m having this. You can advise.”
“That’s…” I went to grab it.
“No longer your case. It’s been reassigned until you can find that balance between work and not work again. Owen’s mum’s waiting. Go eat.” He walked out of my office and I swore I heard him chuckle.
I nipped into the bathroom and checked my appearance. I’d not been sleeping well. My bed felt too big and I was purposely working late so I could immerse myself in work rather than make a decision. My eyes had dark circles under them that were visible even through my concealer and my lips were dry. Right now, I did not look like a catch.
I did what I could with the make-up that I had in my handbag and headed into reception. Dot was talking animatedly to Carol who was working on the phones this afternoon. She looked over and smiled. “You look like something that was dug up and forgot to be put in the freezer.”
“I know. I just scared myself when I looked in the mirror.”
“We’re going for an early dinner. Alcohol not included. Come on.”
We wandered down through Borough towards Southwark and Bermondsey, discussing everything other than Owen. She and Dave had met up several times and things were going well. He was trying to impress her rather than just assuming she would be impressed. I wondered if she knew how we’d walked in on them in Cases, but decided not to mention it. Owen had been mortified, but there was a possibility Dot would be even more so, although I doubted it. She didn’t have an ounce of prudishness in her.
The Jose Tapas bar was a pretty restaurant in Bermondsey. I’d been a couple of times before although not recently, but the food had always been heavenly and I suddenly realised how hungry I actually was.
“This suits you?” Dot said, sitting down. “I haven’t brought you to a tapas bar for a Spanish Inquisition though. I’ve brought you here because I fancied tapas and a chat.”
“It suits me fine,” I said. The waiter brought over the menus. “Thank you for dragging me out of the office.”
She shrugged. “Your brother, I forget which one, told Owen you weren’t eating and Owen told me. I think he’d have dragged you out himself but he wasn’t sure if that would be what you wanted. Not that I’m prying. How’s your niece?”
My face fractured into a smile. “She’s amazing. She’s managed to get into a sleeping pattern now, so Claire and Killian are in better moods. And she’s smiling loads, although Claire thinks it’s just wind.”
“Tell your sister to make the most of her being a baby. That stage doesn’t last long. You wish it away because it’s hard, harder than anything you’ve ever done, but when you look back you realise you should have appreciated those moments more,” Dot said as she browsed the menu. “Tapas is good on an empty stomach. Stops you guzzling too much in one go and feeling poorly. You’ve lost weight, Payton.”
I nodded. It didn’t take much as I had my mother’s metabolism. I figured I’d lost half a stone in the past few days and I knew that wasn’t healthy. “I need to take better care of myself.”
“So what’s stopping you?”
“I don’t like making big decisions in case it’s the wrong one,” I said, honestly. The waiter came over with a carafe of water and olives. I picked one and felt its flavour ooze out as I bit into it. I loved olives; their savoury bite was one of my favourite tastes.
Dot regarded me as if studying an animal that was potentially about to pounce. “Then how else do you learn? Payton, my dear, Owen’s dad was my biggest mistake and my best. He broke my heart into more pieces than I’ve ever found, but because of him I knew what it was like to be in love and experience the exhilaration that brings. And it gave me Owen. I was hurt when our relationship didn’t work out, but that opened the doors to me having what has been a wonderful life so far.”
“How’s Dave?” I asked, diverting the subject completely and aware she wouldn’t have missed the side step.
“He’s good and thank you for doing what you did. I’ve already thanked Owen. Sometimes you need to take a step back and see the bigger picture. Both of us needed to do that. I also needed to apologise for having nabbed the office when you and Owen were looking for somewhere to talk the other Friday,” she spoke with a shit-eating grin on her face that told me she was anything but sorry.
“Owen was mortified,” I said, then couldn’t help the laughter that fell. “I don’t think he’s ever seen Dave arse before, let alone…”
Dot started to giggle. “Dave was mortified too when Owen told us. He’s thirty-two; he can deal with the fact that his mother has a sex life. I coped walking in on him several times.”
I sat back and folded my arms, enjoying talking about Owen, hearing about his life. “Do tell.”
“He was sixteen and he assumed I was out. I assumed he was studying with the music up loud and went in to tell him to turn it down. Turns out the muffling was drowning out the moaning of his older girlfriend who seemed to think she was a cowgirl.” Dot said. “Then we had him trying to be romantic in front of the open fire, although to be fair, he did think I was away for the night with Dave.”
I started to laugh, feeling desperately sorry for Owen but wanting to tease him at the same time. “He must’ve been so embarrassed.”
Dot shook her head. “He chose not to be. He was brought up in communities where self-exploration was encouraged and other than the ‘be safe and don’t hurt others’ there were no boundaries around sex so there was no embarrassment after the initial, ‘Oh shit; my mum copped me.’”
