I wish things were different between us
And then I mute notifications, because however she replies, I don’t want to read it immediately.
I need a nap so badly that when I close my eyes, I immediately slip into a heavy sleep.
When I wake up, I drink a big glass of water before checking my phone.
No response from my mother.
A heart from Logan. Well, that’s as clear a message as I need.
I have a shower, which helps a bit to unknot my tense back, then I get ready to leave.
Sloane comes along as my passenger for the first drive. When we cross the intersection where my bike got mangled earlier, I shiver.
I’m not going to pretend that I’m not glad to have this car right now.
After I drop Sloane at the hospital, I park in the student lot and make my way to the student health center in the middle of campus.
The receptionist scans my student card. “Reason for your visit?”
“I, uh, had to jump off my bike this morning to avoid being hit by a car, and I’m getting pretty stiff. Also, I want to ask about birth control.”
“It’s usually one issue per visit, but I think you’re her last appointment of the day, so just be quick.”
“Yeah, I will, thank you.”
She slides an orange-lidded specimen jar across the counter. “Pee in this cup. Put the cap back on and leave it on the shelf in the washroom over there before you come back here to be called in.”
After I take the midstream sample, I’m shown into a clinic room. An alert on my phone tells me Logan’s game has begun. My brain is holding a little space for that, and also thinking ahead to the overnight shift I’m shadowing tonight. I’m going to be so tired in the morning. I didn’t really sleep long enough, but?—
“Ms. Wilson?” The door swings open and a friendly-looking nurse practitioner comes in. I haven’t seen her before but I don’t come here very often.
“Hi. Yes.”
“I understand you were in a motor vehicle accident this morning?”
“No. Just adjacent to one. I almost got hit by a car, but I jumped off my bike and just strained some muscles, I think. I’m pretty sore.”
“You definitely weren’t hit the car? And did you hit your head on the concrete?”
“No, I was pretty lucky. I really just wrenched something in my back. I’m only here because my—” I swallow hard. “My husband is worried about me. He’s on the other side of the country.”
“Understandable. We’ll do a physical exam in a minute. But first, your other question was about birth control?”
“Yes.”
“So you aren’t currently trying to conceive.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m very newly married, and my husband is moving to California this summer. I’ve been meaning to do this for a month, so this is really just two birds, one stone.”
“Ah.” She takes a quick breath. “Well, I’ve got the results of your urinalysis, which we do before prescribing any birth control, and given the reason for the appointment, I understand this may be a shock. Your hCG levels indicate that you are pregnant.”
I stare at her. “Excuse me?”
“Is there a chance that you could be pregnant? When were you last sexually active?”
My mouth drops open. Snaps shut. “Last month,” I say dully, blood roaring through my ears. “And a month before that. But we used condoms?—”
