I cut him off again with a brittle laugh. “Don’t tell me,” I spat, injecting as much sarcasm as I could into my tone. “It’s not what it looked like, Ash. She was just checking my cock for STDs ‘cause it’s been up so much used whore cunt. Ash.” I looked him up and down, sneering. “Don’t fucking bother lying to me, Pagan. I see what you are, a weak-assed cheating asshole.”
His eyes narrowed. It was like I could see the man bleed out and the calculating, emotionless MC prez take his place. “So fuckin’ what if I got my cock sucked. It’s not like you put out.”
“There they are,” I retorted quietly. “Your true colors.”
He cocked a brow. “You’re mad as fuck for a bitch who’s not even my ol’ lady.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “And now I never will be.”
His eyes held mine in challenge. “Fuck off then.”
I looked at him—really looked at him—taking in everything for the last time.
He stared back, his dark eyes blank and unwavering. “You still here?” he asked pointedly.
My stomach dropped, and I blinked owlishly at him.
I couldn’t think straight. My head felt like it was full of static, like a TV left turned on after the station had signed off. I wanted to scream until my throat bled, or punch the walls, or even better still, punch Pagan. Instead, I stared at him like he was no better than a used-up, spat-out piece of gum on the ground and bit out, “Go fuck yourself,” in a voice so full of hate that I didn’t even recognize it as my own.
He shrugged, turned, and sat back down at his desk, not even sparing me a glance. “You can see yourself out.”
I let out a snort and turned for the door. Then, just as I was leaving, Pagan called after me, “If you see Saskia, send her back in. She may as well finish the job.”
An invisible punch knocked the wind out of me.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat, tilted my chin up, and walked out of there, with words my mam once said floating through my mind.
That man’s got demons living inside him that nobody can fix. Not even you. Hell, my girl, not even him.He’s going to chew you up and spit you out when he’s done.
I swiped at the single tear that fell down my cheek.
When was I going to learn?
A girl should always listen to her mammy.
CHAPTER 18
AISLYNN
SIX WEEKS LATER
Igroaned as I lugged my case off the baggage carousel before going back in for my smaller one. Then I hooked my cases together and headed through arrivals.
I checked my watch and smiled because I knew Mam and Callum would already be waiting for me. After a hellish overnight flight and hanging around in LAX for two hours for my connection to Rock Springs, I was nearly home. Honestly, if I could have stayed in Ireland, I would have, but my brother and Maeve were getting married (again) the following weekend, so I didn’t have a choice but to come back, and I couldn’t hide forever.
I drove home after catching Pagan with Saskia, in pieces. As I stumbled back to my car, I was stopped my Bootneck, who had somehow managed to find my phone. He took one look at my face and took a step back, like I’d punched him, before he watched me speed away from the compound.
God knows how I made it home without totaling my car, but I did; though by the time I got back to Mam’s house, I couldn’t breathe through crying so hard.
I managed to tell Mam what had happened through my stuttered sobs, and she lay in bed with me all night, stroking my hair and whispering that everything would be alright while wiping away my tears. But there was nothing she could say that would fix me or make me feel less broken.
The fact was, I’d met the only man I’d ever wanted, but he didn’t feel the same way. I just wish I’d ended it that night like I always intended instead of accepting scraps of him yet again. If I had, my heart wouldn’t be breaking from finally seeing the proof of what my gut had always told me.
I was way out of my depth.
The next morning, I dragged my ass out of bed, splashed cold water on my face, and walked into the kitchen, where Mam waited at the kitchen table for me in her dressing gown with a pot of tea. I sat down, and she announced she’d booked me a flight to Ireland that evening.
At first, I protested. Maybe a tiny part of me wanted to be here in case Pagan called and wanted to talk. I knew it was weak and pathetic of me to hang onto him by the fingertips, even though we were crumbling, but I just couldn’t seem to let him go.
