“Prez is a hard man to work out,” he went on.
I stared at him, deadpan. “No shit.”
Thug’s lips quirked. “If it’s any consolation, you’re the only woman who’s lasted more than one night.”
“I don’t know if that’s consoling or not,” I told him honestly. “Sometimes I feel like I’m chasing after someone who doesn’t want to be caught.”
Thug studied me intently, like he was seeing me for the first time. “Pagan can’t be rushed.”
I smiled ruefully. “Yeah. I’m getting that, and I don’t want to rush him. I just feel like it’s all about Pagan. His rules, his expectations, his pace. That alone would be doable if he didn’t hold himself so far out of reach.”
“I get that,” he admitted. “The boss isn’t exactly forthcomin’ with his feelings, except with Bootneck, but then our SAA enables him. Always did.”
“Enables?” I asked, confused.
Thug grinned. “Boot’s a good dude and a decent brother, but whenever Pagan fucks up, it’s usually ’cause Bootneck’s the devil on his shoulder.”
“And who are you to him?” I challenged.
Thug laughed. “I’m the angel on his other shoulder, of course. Not that he fuckin’ listens.”
I giggled along with him. “I get what you mean.”
Thug stared at me with a small smile hovering over his mouth. “Hold the line, Aislynn. It’ll be worth it eventually. You just need to let him get his hangups outta his system. Once he trusts you, Boot won’t be a concern. He won’t even factor.”
“It’s hard sometimes,” I murmured.
“Did you expect easy from Pagan?” he asked.
I laughed. “No.”
“Do youwanteasy from Pagan?” he asked more pointedly.
I sighed audibly and admitted, “No.”
“Easy’s borin’, right?” he muttered.
I looked at him and blinked, and something in my chest loosened. I didn’t know what I was holding on to or whether the squeezing of my heart was hope or stupidity, but Thug’s words, simple as they were, took some of the shame out of it, because at least I wasn’t the only one who believed the reward would be worth the fight.
CHAPTER 14
PAGAN
The boys were quiet during our journey to California. We flew to Denver to catch the connecting flight to San Diego, but I didn’t have time to see Ash, which was probably a blessing in disguise.
It would be awkward as fuck trying to explain that I was on my way to see my drug-addicted ex, get her away from her violent boyfriend, and talk her into rehab. Plus, I had my boys with me, and it wasn’t the right time or situation to introduce them.
It was becoming more obvious that my and Aislynn’s lives were polar opposites. She was from a good, loving family, raised by a good woman, and protected by the men in her life. She was beautiful as well as smart, with a bright future ahead of her.
I had a dead-beat dad, a drug-addicted, alcoholic mother, and an estranged half-brother. I’d just about managed to graduate high school before I joined the military, and now I was an outlaw who hung out with strippers and whores.
Hardly the catch of the century.
I never thought it was possible to want someone like that; to hunger for more than you could have. To feel a hollowness that could only be filled by getting so close to a person that you’dwant to fuse yourself to them just to make the emptiness go away.
These past months with Aislynn had made me greedy, even though I kept my distance and played it cool, I would have done anything to have her there with me as I walked my boys to a cab, loaded their shit, and saw them off safely.
A friend was meeting me with the bike I kept in his garage. I rode it whenever I was in California to see the boys. I didn’t do cages, though I reckoned that shit would have to change soon. If my boys were gonna come live with me, I’d need wheels. I could hardly get a prospect to take them everywhere.
