His low, earthy chuckle reverberated through the line. “Not one fuck is given. When it comes to you, I’m not takin’ any chances. You think you’re gonna run around Denver with two single girls lookin’ to hook up, then you need to give your head a shake. Aislynn. You’re my woman, and I keep what’s mine safe and away from men who think it’s acceptable to touch what belongs to me.”
“The same way you belong to me?” I challenged. “The same way you went off with Candy last night?”
“I told you. Nothin’ happened.”
“She touched you,” I pointed out.
Pagan sighed. “My world’s different, Ash. My lifestyle’s different from yours. The club girls and the strippers think nothin’ of huggin’ and touchin’ the brothers. I sit at the bar with my arm around one, or one might plant her ass on my lap, not for any reason except that’s the way we roll. They know there’s nothin’ in it. Hell, I could fuck every one of ’em, and they’d know that was all it was—a fuck. Sometimes there’s friendship; more often than not, there’s nothin’. In your world, when you kiss andhug a dude, it has a different meanin’. It’s a courtin’ ritual which leads to more, and I don’t want you around it.”
“So you think that because it’s normal for you in your club, it’s okay to touch them?” I demanded.
“That’s not what I’m sayin’. What I mean is, culturally, we’re less hung up about sex.”
“Except when it comes to me,” I interjected.
He paused briefly. “I want to respect you, Ash. You told me you wanted to wait until marriage, and I want that for you, too. I want it for us.”
“Is that why you don’t touch me anymore?” I asked quietly.
“Holdin’ back’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but if I get close, I’m scared I’ll do somethin’ to fuck it up. Do you know how fuckin’ beautiful you are? How good you smell, and how much I want to shove those creamy, smooth legs wide open and root so deep, I get lost in you? D’you know how much I want you,Dubheasa? I can’t sleep or eat, baby. My soul calls for you. Then you act like a brat, and it gets worse ’cause I just wanna strip you down to nothin’, put a leash around your neck, and tie you to my bed with it. I’m gonna do that one, baby, if you’re bad, but I bet myDubheasawould like that, right?”
I almost groaned out loud at the rush of moisture between my legs.
“No,” I squeaked.
“Liar,” he rumbled.
My lips parted.
Pagan was unhinged, but a part of me loved it.
He had me tied up in knots. Our relationship was so damned toxic that I should’ve run a mile; except I had no intention of going anywhere. I wanted this; I wanted a man who was demanding and suffocating. I wanted to be twisted inside out and turned upside down until my head spun. Pagan was stubborn, pig-headed, and he wouldn’t give an inch, but he wasalso the most charismatic, thrilling, spine-tingling, breathtaking man I’d ever met.
It seemed I had a type because Pagan was giving crazy psycho, and Jesus help me, I was here for it.
“I’ve gotta go, baby,” Pagan told me. “My boys are waitin’ for me to watch a movie.”
My heart panged because I would’ve loved to see him with his sons. I couldn’t help wondering if they were like him.
It hurt that he didn’t trust me with his boys. I understood that he didn’t want them to meet me until he was sure about where we were headed, but in another way, that hurt too. I knew I wanted to be with him forever; I’d do anything for him. So the fact he still wasn’t sure about us felt like a kick in the teeth. It had been months, and after the last few days, I was beginning to see we were no further forward than the first time he turned up in Denver and saved me from my boss.
I needed to get off this call and think.
“Have a good night, Aiden,” I whispered.
“Be good,” he ordered gently before the line went dead.
I stared at my phone, deep in thought, my throat burning with emotion at the conversation I just had and the revelations that came with it. I could hold on like I told Mam, but what was I holding on to? Was I just kidding myself? Was I seeing what I wanted to see instead of what Pagan was showing me?
“You okay?” Thug asked out of the blue, startling me.
My head whipped toward the couch where he lounged, looking at me with interest.
“Oh. Yeah,” I replied. “I just...” The words trailed off because, for the life of me, I didn’t know what to say. Thug was Pagan’s brother and friend, and his loyalties didn’t lie with me. And anyway, he wasn’t exactly the kind of guy I could sit down and pour my heart out to like Tristan.
“You look lost,” Thug mused.
I let out a quiet snort. “Do I?”
