“Will you tell me about your boys?” I asked.
He fed me again, smiling proudly. “They’re good kids. Rex is sixteen now and a mini biker in the makin’—somethin’ I’m pretty sure the world’s not ready for. Roman’s fourteen and the next Tom Brady, or so he believes, and I’m happy to feed into it ’cause I reckon my boys can do anythin’ they set their minds to.”
“Does their mom feel the same way?” I asked carefully.
One side of his mouth hitched. “You can ask about her. If we’re gonna be together, you need to know everythin’. I would’ve told you before, but I didn’t wanna lay too much on you in one go.”
I chewed slowly, looking at him expectantly.
“Her name’s Breanna. Met her in a bar the month before I was due to go to San Diego for basic trainin’. She was sweet, pretty, and fun. Everythin’ a twenty-year-old guy who’d never had anythin’ good in his life thought he needed. I left, and she waited for me. It had already run its course when I knocked her up, but still, it happened, so I married her. She moved into military housin’ a week after Rex was born and was pregnant with Rome six months later.”
“That’s a lot of babies for young newlyweds,” I remarked.
His mouth twisted wryly. “I thought she was takin’ birth control.”
“Oh,” I murmured.
“We argued throughout her first pregnancy,” he admitted. “Her hormones were crazy, and it did us a lot of harm. She tried to make me leave the Marines, but I didn’t want to, and there was no way I could support a wife and baby if I popped smoke. I didn’t go to college, so my choices at the time were the military, drivin’, or security. We were on the verge of breakin’ up when she announced she was pregnant again. That was when I knew her pregnancies were set up to keep me tied to her.”
“Right,” I said, trying to be as tactful as I could.
Whatever my feelings were about the situation, I didn’t want to bethat girlwho blamed everything on her new guy’s ex. I knew there were always two sides to a story, and Pagan was certainly no angel.
He didn’t meet my eyes, just pushed the empty plate away. “Got my boys, so it was worth it. They’re the only blood who ever really mattered.”
I could tell it still stung, and I could understand why. Every person in his life who was meant to have his back had manipulated him in some way. It explained why he needed to be in control of every situation.
“I can understand why you want to give your boys stability,” I acquiesced.
“It doesn’t help that Bree met a new guy a couple of years ago. He’s a douchebag small-time dealer and big-time asshole. Want my boys away from that house.” His stare lifted to mine. “Gonna be honest, babe. With you by my side, it’ll look good for me with the judge. I’ve been turned down for custody three times now because I couldn’t offer Rex and Rome a stable home life. You’re the full package: smart, beautiful, ballsy, and you’re a professional woman too. Gonna get this out of the way now so there’s no bullshit mix-ups later. I’m not here because of that.I’m here because you’re the first woman who’s ever turned my head like this. Everythin’ else about you is a bonus.”
That was good to hear. It wasn’t that I thought I was the catch of the century, but with the life Pagan lived, he probably didn’t come across many women he had chemistry with who would have passed a judge’s inspection when it came to taking on custody of two teenage boys.
A ringtone suddenly pealed, and I looked around for my cell phone.
“It’s mine,” Pagan told me, getting up from his stool and grabbing his cell from the countertop near the stove. He glanced at the screen, his jaw tightening slightly, before answering with, “Yo, Boot.”
Boot was short for Bootneck, Pagan’s sergeant at arms. I’d met him briefly at the party last weekend and of course, saw him earlier when he turned up with Pagan.
He listened to the voice on the other end of the phone for a minute and then replied, “So, get Castle to deal with it. He’s got the gavel when I’m not there.” Pagan listened to Bootneck’s reply and ran a frustrated hand over his head. “Well, there’s not much I can do tonight. It’ll take me five hours to ride back.” He tipped his head back and heaved a breath out. “Alright. I’ll get on the road.” He clicked to end the call.
My heart sank. “You’re leaving.”
His eyes came back down to meet mine, and he scraped a hand over his face. “Yeah. We’ve got an emergency with local law enforcement stirrin’ shit down at our strip club.”
“Right,” I whispered, turning away to hide the rush of tears springing to my eyes.
Jesus, what was the matter with me? So Pagan had to leave; he was the man in charge, and it was his job to deal with problems at the club. I’d grown up around bikers, so I knew the way it worked.
Still, I couldn’t help feeling irked. Being with Pagan tonight and talking so openly about his life had taken my mind off my dad. Whatever I did, his death was always at the back of my mind, except for tonight. For the first time in weeks, Pagan had helped me to forget.
“Hey,” he said gently, pulling me into him. He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear while his other hand cupped my face. “Last thing I wanna do is go out in the cold and ride for hours, but I’m the prez, and I’m needed there.”
I forced a smile onto my face. “It’s okay. I get it.”
His eyes searched mine. “You’re not pissed?”
“Disappointed, maybe. Mad, no,” I assured him.
