He shot me a grin. “Because you know me well.”
Pagan led me out to the patio, the sharp click of my heels loud against the old flagstones. Tiny, twinkling lights flickered overhead, casting a soft, honeyed glow over the tables and chairs. Guests spilled from the barn onto the lawn with their drinks in hand, and soft laughter and chatter filled the air along with the thump of music playing from inside.
Pagan guided me to the far edge of the terrace where the light was dim, and nobody could hear our conversation. My throat burned because I wished more than anything that we could just be a normal couple at a normal wedding, enjoying ourselves like everyone else, except we weren’t.
We weren’t anything.
And it was killing me.
I shouldn’t have missed him, but it wasn’t something I could control. If I could have switched off my feelings, I would have done it without hesitation, but I was stuck with loving a man who betrayed me; a man I couldn’t find it in me to forgive.
He turned, looked at me, and scraped a hand down his face, deep in thought.
“Well?” I asked. “I thought you wanted to talk.”
He held a hand up. “Gimme a minute, baby. I’m tryin’ not to be a cunt.”
Despite myself, I laughed.
“Okay, here goes,” he said determinedly. “So, it’s like this. Bein’ without you fuckin’ blows. What happened was a fuckup on my part, but not in the way you think.”
My blood pressure started to spike.
“Really?” I sassed. “Because seeing Saskia’s head between your legs was pretty darned convincing.”
“It was a setup,” he declared.
I let out a brittle laugh. “You set that up? Right, of course. And why did you do that?”
“I didn’t set it up,” he denied.
“Jesus Christ,” I drawled. “This is getting pathetic.”
He looked at me, his face almost wounded. “I’m not lyin’.”
“What exactly is it about me that makes you think I’m gullible?” I demanded.
He stared down at me.
“There’s no point having this conversation,” I declared.
“No point?” he repeated, his lip curling into a sneer. “Jesus, how did I never realize what a bitch you are?”
I popped my hip. “Oh, I dunno. Maybe it was because you were so busy being a bastard.”
He leaned down and got in my face. “I’m startin’ to think all this is a blessin’ in disguise. I dodged a fuckin’ bullet with you.”
I ignored how his words caused my heart to sting and shot back, “Why are you here then?”
He stood straight and took a step back. “Good question,” he muttered, shaking his head at me as if I wasn’t worth his precious time. “I’ll remedy that now. You want me gone so bad, bitch? Consider it done.” He turned and began to saunter away.
God knows what came over me. Maybe it was because Pagan had the balls to be angry with me when it was him who broke us. Or maybe it was because he tried to make excuses for what happened and play the innocent party. Whatever it was, it ignited a fire in my chest, and I needed to hurt him as much as he hurt me.
“Pagan,” I called after him.
He stopped and craned his neck to look at me.
I jammed a hand to my hip and narrowed my eyes. “This time, be sure to stay away.”
