I was trying to be better.At least act like I wasn’t drowning in an abyss so that he wouldn’t worry about me.
When I reached his door, it swung open, startling me enough that I stepped back.
Calvin was smiling brightly, which made my head hurt.That meant he was about to annoy me with something.I was too tired mentally and physically for this.
“We are going out for dinner,” he told me, closing the door behind him.
Oh, no, I was not.
I shook my head.“I don’t—”
“We have to.Rog has a date coming, and he called dibs on an empty apartment,” Calvin said, taking my arm and turning me around.“There is a pub I go to that has live music.You’ll like it.”
“I’m not dressed to go out,” I argued.I was probably stinky from sweat.
“You are fine.Besides”—he nodded toward the door—“we aren’t welcome in there.Let’s go.”
Awesome.My headache was a throb now.
I let him guide me back down the stairs while he prattled on about things, but I zoned out on him.He was too chipper.I couldn’t listen to that.I’d learned to cope by tuning out the world around me.
“It’s a block away.We will walk.You probably passed it on your way back from wherever you went,” he said, still sounding entirely too optimistic.
If I had it in me to care, I’d be concerned about my appearance, but nothing mattered.Getting through this meal was my only concern.
“They’ve got the best cheeseburgers and peanut butter and jelly shakes,” I heard him say.
I thought I nodded.I wasn’t sure.We continued on our way, and he said something about local brew on tap and onion rings.If he would take a breath and shut up, that would be nice.
Ah, and there came the guilt.I did my best to shove it back, but it was a fierce creature.
We were slowing, and I glanced up to see the door to the pub we must be going to.Calvin stepped in front of me and opened the door.I went inside and waited on him to talk to the hostess.She beamed at him as if she knew him.
“Right this way,” she said, glancing at me with curiosity.
I was used to that.Women would see him, then try and figure out if we were together or if they were free to flirt.It used to bother me.That seemed like someone else.A girl I no longer remembered.
She brought us to a table almost in the back of the room.At least I could be thankful for that.Farther from the stage and whatever music was going to be played up there.My headache wouldn’t enjoy the noise.
“Thanks,” Calvin told her, clearly pleased with this spot.
I had almost expected him to ask for something closer, but then all the other tables seemed full.This place was busy.Guess the food was as good as he said.I just didn’t care.
Sitting across from me, he slid a menu over to me.“I think you’ll want the cheeseburger and milkshake, but you can look and see if there is something else you prefer.I’ll get the onion rings as an app for both of us.”
I picked it up, with no interest as to what was in it, but for his sake.
“The ultimate nachos are good too,” he told me.
I continued to stare blankly at the items, then closed it and set it down.“The cheeseburger will be fine,” I told him.
“And milkshake.You gotta try that,” he added, looking hopeful.
“Sure,” I agreed.Although I knew there was no way I was going to be able to stomach all that.Eating was a chore.
“You’re gonna eat for me, Els,” he said.“You’ve lost too much weight.All the walking and not eating.”
I had no argument for that.I had lost weight, but I needed to walk.It was the only way I was making it through each day.
