“I just needed to talk to her, and you kept me from her,” I snarled.
He nodded.“Yeah, because I couldn’t be sure Calvin wouldn’t move the wrong way and your blade wouldn’t go through his throat.I saved the woman you love a lot of fucking pain.One day, maybe you will see that and thank me.”
“I never said I was in love,” I spat at him.I was obsessed to the point of insanity.
Oz let out a laugh that only fueled my fury.“Brother, seriously.You still going with theyou don’t love hershit?You had a knife at Calvin’s throat because why?Huh?Why did you do it?Answer me that, and I’ll unlock the damn chains.”
“Because he …” I paused, pissed off that he was making me admit anything.“I don’t have to explain myself.Mom wants me unlocked.”I held out my wrists as I stood up from where I’d been sitting.
Oz shrugged.“Yeah, but I can prolong it.I might need to go check and see if Winslet is feeling okay.”
Fucker.
“I hate you,” I sneered.
He chuckled.“Sure you do.Now, answer my question.”
“HE TOUCHED HER!”I shouted, getting as close to his face as the damn chains would let me.
Oz didn’t flinch.“Yeah, and you tried to slice his throat because,hell, that seems sane.”
When he said it like that, it sounded unhinged.Fine.
I blew out a breath and stepped back.“I didn’t like his hand on her.”
Oz nodded.“I got that.Trust me.We all got that.But why, Forge?Why didn’t you like it?”
“Because she’s mine!I need her, and you let him take her!I can’t … I can’t breathe.Without her, it hurts so goddamn bad that I can’t fucking breathe.”
“And that is what love feels like.Except it also makes you a crazed lunatic, but I get it.I did shit I’m not proud of because of my feelings for Winslet.I didn’t almost kill a family member and traumatize her, but I get it.Give me your wrists,” he said.
I held them out, letting his words sink in.This was it?This was what he felt?What Bane, Than, and Ransom felt like?It made sense.Fuck.It made a lot of sense.
“Seems like the light is finally on in that thick skull of yours,” Oz said as the cuffs fell away from my wrists.
I stared at them, then back at him.“I love her.”
He nodded.“Yep.And you may have fucked her up emotionally for life.You’ve got a lot to fix.I wish you luck.You’re gonna need it.Just don’t kill Calvin.It’ll upset Mom, and whatever feelings Elsie has for you will die with him.Remember that when you go batshit.Because she’s living in his apartment.”
I’d already figured that out.She had nowhere else to go.And I wouldn’t kill Calvin.I needed him if I had any chance of getting her back, and I’d fucking die before I lived without her.
Forty-Eight
Elsie
Two Weeks Later
If it were possible for me to feel any emotion through the numbness that had settled around me, it would be hate.Loathing, to be exact.Loathing for this city.Everything about Los Angeles annoyed me.
Calvin had tried to make me like it, but I didn’t like anything.I had no desire or want to care.My days were spent walking mostly.It got me away from his constant worrying and the four walls of his apartment.Which I would also hate if I could.But it was too much to feel.I preferred the numbing indifference.
When I closed my eyes at night, the nightmares returned.This time more graphic and painful.Calvin always woke me up and tried to comfort me, but I couldn’t stand the touch of anyone.I would cringe and pull away.He had tried to get me to see a therapist on Monday, but I refused.I couldn’t tell this to anyone.They’d never understand, and I might possibly be admitted because of it.
What sane person would grieve over the loss of a man who had almost killed her best friend in front of her?None.Or refused to sleep in anything but the oversized sweatsuit that no longer smelled of him, but it was all I had of him.None.That was the issue.I was a wack.Clearly unstable.I missed Forge so bad that it was physically painful.And how was that okay?It wasn’t.I should hate him.But instead, all I saw was the way he’d looked at me before I left.And my arms ached to go comfort him.Assure him I was staying.
Sure, I needed help, but seeking it would get me put in a padded room, so I wasn’t doing that.I preferred walking.Eventually, I would have to find a life.Do something other than sleep, eat, and walk, but I didn’t have it in me just yet to do more than that.I was surviving.
Taking the stairs to Calvin’s apartment, my legs felt like heavy lead.I had no idea how many miles I’d walked, and it didn’t matter.But returning to this place, facing another evening of him begging me to eat and trying to make me smile, was exhausting.I wanted to be left alone.But seeing as he’d almost died because of me, I felt guilt when I pushed him away.
