“No. Lincoln is as open-minded as they come, and Emmett seems all about don’t ask, don’t tell.”
This probably wasn’t a conversation for the car, but Benji was only in town for three more days before the band headed out. “How would you feel if people found out that you and your long-term boyfriend are dating a third guy?”
Benji went quiet, and a stolen glance showed him chewing on his thumbnail. “I’d be embarrassed, but only because I hate it when my personal life hits the spotlight. No one needs to know whom I’m sleeping with. It has nothing to do with my ability to sing. I mean, you probably heard about that whole thing last month where I got drunk and got felt up by a guy, and the pictures ended splashed on Instagram and a few other places. It was so embarrassing to see that online.”
Van turned those words over in his head. For an indie band front man, Benji was an incredibly shy and introverted person, and he liked to keep private things private. Made perfect sensethat a public outing of their threesome would embarrass him. And possibly have negative repercussions for Fading Daze as a group. The world as a whole was still generally un-accepting of two men in a committed relationship. Three would make heads explode.
“Don’t do that,” Benji said.
“Do what?”
“You’re imagining worst case scenarios, aren’t you? About how a threesome might ruin my career.”
“It’s hard not to. Everything would be easier without me fucking up the works.”
“You’re an idiot.”
Van nearly slammed on the brakes. “Excuse me?”
“You’re an idiot. You are why all of this is working, damn it. You helped fix Joshua and me in ways we didn’t realize we were broken. You are exactly what we need in our relationship to keep us on an even keel. Before you, maybe we had a bass beat and maybe we had the guitar notes, but we didn’t have the lyrics. You are our lyrics, Van. You help make the song perfect.”
His throat closed and his eyes stung, but Van would not cry. Not even tears of joy.
“We aren’t fucking around with you for fun,” Benji continued. “This is bigger than sex. It’s connection and emotion and tenderness and compassion and all of the things that make up a loving relationship.”
“He’s right.” Joshua sat up slowly, blinking tired eyes. “About all of it.”
Van pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand. “I thought you were asleep.”
“I agree with everything Benji said about this triad we’re building. Maybe a car ride isn’t the best place to have the conversation, but if you’re in, Van, then we want you.”
Van did pull over this time, nudging onto the shoulder of the semi-quiet road, then shifted into park. He gripped the wheel with both hands, heart pounding, while his emotions ran riot. So many things he couldn’t describe, so many thoughts and feelings. They’d told him from the start that they both liked him, felt a pull toward him, but he’d still gone into this expecting to be booted if it got too big. He hadn’t fully trusted what they’d told him.
Until now.
His feelings for both men had been there from the start. From first flirting with Benji back in July, to nearly hooking up with Joshua in September, he’d wanted them both. And now they were offering him something he’d never dared hope for—a relationship with two exceptional men who made him feel exceptional, too. Like he was more than a pretty face and big dick.
Like he could let his guard down, stop being Van Fucking Holt, and be Donovan again—an innocent boy, eager to fall in love and find his happy ending.
His right hand twinged, and a blast of fear left his insides cold. The bogeyman of his nightmares was long gone, but it didn’t stop the irrational terror of losing Benji and Joshua to violence, the way he’d lost his first love. He’d nearly lost them to the car accident last summer; he might have never gotten the chance to know them. Maybe one day to even love them. He couldn’t lose that chance.
“I’m in,” Van said. “I want to do this, but I have to warn you I’ve never been in a real, long-term relationship with one person, never mind two.”
“We’re all learning here,” Benji said. “And I think maybe we all have enough patience and understanding to make this work. I mean, I’m back on the road in a few days, and to be honest? I love knowing you guys will have each other while I’m gone.”He looked at Joshua. “Van is a real person that you have a real connection with, not some random hookup. That makes all the difference in the world to me.”
Joshua reached between the front seats to clasp one of Benji’s hands. “You won’t be jealous if we get together while you’re on the road?”
“Get together? Really? No, I won’t be jealous if you guyshave sexwhile I’m gone, as long as it’s you two, no one else.”
“No one else, I promise.”
“Me too,” Van said, a little overwhelmed by all of the emotion. Then he laughed. “A pansexual, a bisexual, and an asexual in a three-way relationship.”
“Maybe demisexual,” Benji said.
“That sounds like the start of some bizarre ‘three guys walk into a bar’ joke,” Joshua added.
They all laughed, and it helped quell some of the craziness in Van’s brain. “Well, in a way, you two did walk into a bar, so . . .”
