“That was the plan, Mr. ‘Doesn’t Do Relationships,’ which obviously didn’t pan out.”
“Please don’t take this the wrong way,” Van said to Joshua, “but I was definitely attracted to you, Benji. And interested.”
That pleased Benji all over the place. “So, you were attracted to me, and we all know that you and Joshua are attracted to each other. And the chemistry has to be there for you guys to have kissed.”
“I’m so sorry about that.” Van looked genuinely upset as he glanced between Benji and Joshua. “I don’tdothat. I don’t want to be that guy.”
“And what guy is that?”
“The guy who gets in the middle of a good thing and causes problems.Thatguy.”
More of Benji’s anxiety eased, because it was the answer he was hoping for. It was also a quality that made Van damned appealing. He was obviously a very sexual person, but he tried not to be an uncaring asshole. He gave a damn about other people’s feelings enough to have walked away from Joshua that long-ago Thursday night, even though he could have fucked him once and been done with it.
“I think the guy you are is amazing,” Benji said.
Van’s eyebrows went up. Even Joshua gawked at him.
“Why am I here?” Van asked. “I expected you to lay me out for kissing Joshua, not compliment me for my restraint in not fucking him.”
“Why did you kiss him?”
Van crossed his arms and looked at the floor. “I’m sure Joshua told you about the party, and me storming out. I have some bad memories of when I played guitar, and his ribbing stirred up old emotions. I don’t like thinking about the past, and I don’t always think things through when I get caught up. Joshua and I talked. He told me about his uncle and it made me even more sad and upset.”
Benji glanced at Joshua, who wouldn’t look at him, surprised Joshua had admitted that to Van. It spoke to the level of trust to share something so incredibly private.
“I let my guard down,” Van continued. “I was all mixed up, in the arms of a guy I was insanely attracted to, and all I wanted was for the past to stop screaming at me. I didn’t want to think anymore, so I did what came naturally. I kissed him.”
“Did the screaming stop?”
Van looked like he wanted to cry, and it took everything in Benji not to comfort him. “Yes. Until Joshua pushed me away, and I realized what I’d done. Then I felt like shit all over again.”
“Do you want to kiss him again?” Van blinked hard several times without responding, which was fine, because the question was pretty fucking rhetorical. So, Benji turned to Joshua. “And I know for a fact that you want to kiss Van again, so please don’t insult me by denying it.”
Joshua held his gaze for several long seconds, curiosity burning in his eyes, before nodding his agreement.
“Excellent,” said Benji. “We’re all on the same page. So Joshua and Van have kissed, and we all know that I’ve kissed Joshua.” Benji swallowed hard, before lobbing the make-or-break word-bomb he’d decided to toss out before calling Van last night. “Seems only fair that Van and I kiss once.”
Both men physically startled, heads jerking and eyes widening—and to Benji’s happy surprise, neither man immediately denied the request. Instead, they looked back and forth between each other and Benji, as though daring the other to speak first.
Finally, Van turned to Benji, something dark and intense burning in his eyes. “Why are you doing this?” he asked.
“Turnabout’s fair play, right? Tell me you don’t want to kiss me.” When Van didn’t speak, Benji’s pulse jumped. “Well?”
Van glanced to his right, probably to get some kind of visual permission from Joshua, but Benji couldn’t stop staring at Van. Tall, lean, his jeans and long-sleeved tee doing everything possible to show off his body. Even the goatee, a brand newtriangle of dark hair lining his narrow chin, added a devilish charm to his overall appeal.
“Goddammit,” Van snapped and stalked toward Benji with fierce intent in his eyes.
Cool hands curled around the sides of his neck, and then Benji was engulfed in a kind of kiss he’d never experienced before. Kissing Joshua was familiar and wonderful and was like coming home, again and again. Kissing Van was scary and exciting and so new that Benji wasn’t sure what to do under the onslaught of Van’s very talented mouth.
He didn’t just plant a closed-lip kiss and back off. Van laid a claim on him, thrusting a tongue into his mouth, licking and exploring, and Benji held on. He clutched the front of Van’s shirt, keenly aware of the heat of the man in front of him, and a little afraid at the same time because he wasn’t Joshua. He wasn’t familiar.
But he also wasn’t entirely a stranger. Benjilikedkissing Van, which was confusing as hell, and if the erection poking into his belly was to be believed, Van liked it too. Benji whimpered softly, uncertain if he wanted to stop or continue. Van broke the kiss with a harsh pant, but didn’t let go of his neck. The blatant lust in Van’s eyes was so similar to Joshua’s that it made Benji’s belly quiver with anticipation.
“Jesus fuck, that was hot,” Joshua said. He was standing less than a foot away from them now, lips parted. Benji didn’t have to look at his crotch to know his boyfriend was getting aroused watching Benji kiss another man.
Van groaned. He released Benji’s neck and tried to retreat, but Benji held tight to the front of his shirt. “I told Joshua to go after you,” Benji said. “That day in the hotel, when you rushed out the door. Joshua looked so fucking sad when you left him behind, because he wants you so badly. I told him to pursue you.He only stayed because he wanted to remain loyal to a promise that meant so much to me at the time.”
“At the time?” Van parroted. His expression closed off, more guarded, but the desire remained on the edges.
